CAUTION: Susan Lucci Crossing

- courtesy of Invitation to Hell (1984)

Something Rank (#3)

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(#3) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The shadows streak with the squeal of metal. A cloak of steam. The distant bleating from the lambs counted in slumber. Tearing into the light comes a claw clutched of razors, fashioned by skilled, burned hands. A brimmed hat hides a face glistening of wounds both fresh and ancient. In Dreams... he walks with you. In Dreams... he talks with you. In Dreams... you're His...


Freddy Kruger at his origin was a nightmare. Perhaps that's why he took so well to the surreal landscape of cinematic horror. Wes Craven's sleepless nights echo into the masses with A Nightmare on Elm Street and its dream demon conjured from the depths of hell and the high school boiler room. A story steeped in adolescent trauma passes it on to the public. A generational cycle of horror encompassed in its tale of a child murderer put to rest and the restless nights of soon-to-be-murdered children. A story of parents crimes revisited on their sleep-deprived children. A film about horrors of the playground via a horror film set in the playground of the mind... The mind of a child who's forced to be a parent through waking realities of divorce and alcoholism. A child with enough strength and smarts to wage war within her own subconscious.

And those special effects are nifty.

For more thoughts...

The Face of Fear:

Killer Looks:

1) Sandman Freddy Krueger.
No rest for the wicked...

2) Red Rover, Red Rover,
Send Freddy Right Over

3) Bad Boy to Hall Monitor

My Thoughts Exactly...

Up Next: (#2-1)

Midwest is Best for Mutilation

Something Rank (#4)

4 Fiends, 36 Feuds, Frequent Flaying

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(#4) Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)

"Miss me?" - Freddy Krueger

Wes Craven's razor sharp return is a film-within-a-film-within-a-franchise. A meta horror exercise that directly recalls those halcyon days when we first met Freddy Krueger. Once a janitor spoken of only in hushed tones on the playground is now an icon spoken of with such high regard by his leading lady. A bedtime boogeyman having reached the heights of Santa Clause or King Kong.


Freddy Krueger has expanded beyond the dreams of Craven and into the nightmares of filmgoers across the decades. But with that revelation comes the knowledge that Freddy's grotesqueries have also become like a recurring dream. Some scares maybe, but we all saw it coming. Over the years the restless nights of Elm Street teens seemed more and more to the fault of a clumpy mattress. With a deviously clever device in mind, Craven strives to make the ultimate fanboy revival and finally put the series to slumber. Acknowledging its own historical horror legacy, fully embracing its fanbase, and bringing back its original cast -- as we know them now and as their iconic characters -- Wes Craven's New Nightmare goes through the looking glass of the original Nightmare film, through the ground glass of a fresh lens.

Heather Langenkamp plays Heather Langenkamp as she deals with her own hesitations of reviving Nightmare's original Final Girl, Nancy, and rejoining the grisly franchise now as a parent. Meanwhile, genre veteran Robert Englund digs his claws into Freddy both old and new. He paints himself as a reclusive LA painter and a freshly menacing Freddy that splatters Tinseltown blood red. John Saxon, too, returns to once again scowl on the sidelines -- supporting his co-star Heather, but disapproving still of his on-screen daughter, "Freddy Krueger. Yeah, right..." New Nightmare continually folds in on itself, shredding realities, leaving Freddy to rule the realms with his iron fist.


As Nightmare's ultimate creative force, Craven also folds himself into the film's many meta layers, preparing within the film a script for Freddy's final face-off. He speaks of writing Freddy throughout the years as, "Keeping the genie in the bottle." All the while the monster has surpassed its creator and is squeezing through the celluloid cracks into our "reality." The Craven within the film would be pleased to know he's written one of his most sophisticated screenplays, one that saw the self-referential suspense of Scream several years earlier. It's worth every bad dream he had.

With Wes Craven's New Nightmare we finally have a savvy satire of the Nightmare franchise, and an innovative horror film just the same. One that surprises and startles even as it embraces its tongue-in-cheek nature. Quite literally given Freddy's love for tongue action (he makes another dirty phone call and is rightfully tongue tied over the lovely Miss Langenkamp). It's also a unique spin on a classic fairy tale -- a morbidly modern variation on Hansel & Gretel. Think Ambien instead of bread crumbs, and a gothic, rotten candy house with a spacious oven. Freddy Krueger, like the child-hungry witch, is still a legend worthy of the playground. While Freddy may have overshadowed his master, Wes Craven's still a true master of horror.

The Face of Fear:

Killer Looks:

1) Freddy Krueger:
Post-surgery and pleased with his new look.

2) Robert Englund:
At home and at the office.

3) Swallowing the Heavens
4) Vomiting into Hell

My Thoughts Exactly...

Up Next: #3

The janitor cleans up after those damn, filthy kids...

Welcome to Your New-ish Nightmare

April 30th sees the release of revamped Freddy Krueger: freshly cooked by neighborhood parents and clawing his way into your daydreams about Kellan Lutz. The trailer's tagline for A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) says, "Welcome to your new nightmare," all the while ironically stealing old scenes from the sixth sequel, Wes Craven's New Nightmare. Besides that the remake creators have expressed a desire to make Freddy dark and dastardly once more (again, do I have to prove the existence of Wes Craven's New Nightmare?), all the while Jackie Earle Haley perfects his skill at cinematically fondling Little Children. Chances are it will be 50% old, 20% new, and 30% recycled plastic. But like a horror fan glutton for the punishment he pays to endure, I'll pay to see this one as well. I'm 50% concerned genre buff, 20% asshole, and 30% struggling for things to blog about.


But there's plenty of reason for my bad dreams. Current remakes tend to forget that the villains aren't the only things that made the originals great. To credit only Freddy Krueger with Nightmare's success is to ignore its uniquely empowered Final Girl, Nancy, and Wes Craven's grimy and glossy aesthetic. Yet filmgoers have too hard a time dismissing how iconic Freddy is at this point. To quote New Nightmare, "Every kid knows about Freddy. He's like Santa Clause or King Kong." Fedoras and stripy sweaters, hand-fashioned gloves as signature as Michael Jackson's, and a distinctive comedic shtick to compliment his mass slaughter of sleepy adolescents. Before Final Destination's excessive death scene spectacles, before snarky Ghost Face was testing you with bar trivia via obscene phone calls… Freddy was once a sensational and innovative cinema serial killer.


That wicked (often wicked lame) sense of humor, that playful taunting -- Freddy took extensive pleasure in the hunt. What a difference from Michael Myers, who waited for years to make shit happen. Or backwoods hulk Jason Voorhees, who could be a bulldozer considering his lackadaisical attitude toward teen homicide. Freddy was notable in that he got into kids' heads and toyed with what made them tick -- before inevitably deciding their time was up. Wes Craven's original film is playful as well, and iconic in more ways than its razor-fisted poster boy. Think of those dank, steamy boiler rooms, teens dragged to their ceilings and decimated, or Johnny Depp's film debut as a geyser of blood. The imagery is chilling and fantastic. The special effects practical and, even when cheap, in the aid of some sort of surreal dreamscape.


Never you mind the big hair, the big wardrobe, or the presence of John Saxon. Craven's visuals are, to this day, as relevant and steeped in nightmares as they were in 1984: evocative, terrifying, and still with an undercurrent of gallows humor.

Freddy loves murdering kids THIIIIIIS much.

"No running in the hallways…"

Razor burn.

Like a little girl's jump rope chant, there's something mindlessly unnerving about this whole remake business. And even if the most nightmarish thing about the new film is its budget, we can sleep well knowing it stands very little chance of being worse than Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, or that burnt popcorn taste left in your mouth after Freddy vs. Jason. Freddy Krueger, like Santa Claus, should be depended upon to show up about once every year, even if his gifts sometimes disappoint. Tis the season for coal in your stocking or coal in the boiler room.

Mass for Cinephile Shut-Ins: Part Three

Let us commune over all this vague pre-publicity so as to garner faith and hope for a bright cinematic future. And let us also pass invalid judgment.

This is Part Three.

The secret word of the day is: dysfunction.

Life During Wartime

directed and written by: Todd Solondz

starring: Charlotte Rampling, Allison Janney, Paul Reubens, Shirley Henderson, Ciaran Hinds, Ally Sheedy

Basically: Following the events of 1998's Happiness, family man and pedophile Bill is released from prison and faced with the monumental task of forgiveness.

And We Should Care Because: Todd Solondz knows that misery loves company, and that we the company love laughing uncomfortably alongside it. His last feature Palindromes was similarly a "pseudo-sequel" to his breakthrough Welcome to the Dollhouse, and still managed to take its own oddball and disturbing (ie. hysterical) routes. A new ensemble takes up the varied roles from Happiness, such as Ciaran Hinds re-imagining the part that Dylan Baker made infamous as the dad who subscribes to "family first" ideals and "Teen Beat" magazine. Advanced word has been mixed, but somewhat more favorable than Palindromes and his vastly underrated Storytelling. Though it seems more devoted Solondz fans find plenty to laugh at and feel bad about later, calling it a notable meditation on family and forgiveness.

Status: Can't Miss

Jake Gyllenhaal IS a drug

that fights erectile dysfunction.

Love and Other Drugs

directed by: Edward Zwick

written by: Marshall Herskowitz, Edward Zwick, Charles Randolph, Jamie Reidy (novel)

starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway, Hank Azaria, Oliver Platt

Basically: The competitive world of pharmaceuticals brings together a salesman for erectile dysfunction with a woman suffering Parkinson's disease and her Prozac-peddling man on the side.

And We Should Care Because: It's a Brokeback Mountain reunion for Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway in this story of power plays in the bedroom and the world of prescription drugs (they never were mutually exclusive). This comedic satire is based on Jamie Reidy's memoir "The Hard Sell" and looks to take on a deceitful industry with a lighter touch, although director Ed Zwick was behind the political thriller and wedding industry nightmare, Blood Diamond. In fact before partners Zwick and Marshall Herskowitz took to pill-popping tales of political hire, they were behind TV classics thirtysomething and My So-Called Life, so it's fair to assume they can handle both sides of the comedy/drama balance (you know Jordan Catalano would be prescribed Adderall if that show were now in production). Beyond that the talk show circuit has given Jake Gyllenhaal many a fruitful discussion of wearing "cock socks" on set, which should test many a Viagra prescription.

Status: Curious

A sunny disposition and other impossible pursuits.

Love and Other Impossible Pursuits

directed by: Don Roos

written by: Don Roos, Ayelet Waldman (novel)

starring: Natalie Portman, Lisa Kudrow, Lauren Ambrose, Scott Cohen

Basically: A troublesome bond with her stepson helps a woman overcome a traumatic loss.

And We Should Care Because: When I last wrote on this film it had the chick-lit diary title 17 Photos of Isabel, and before that Jennifer Lopez was set to star. Dire news that was making this project almost impossible to pursue. Thankfully things seem to be coming together for the latest from writer/director Don Roos, mastermind behind The Opposite of Sex and the always undervalued Happy Endings. Lopez has been graciously replaced with Natalie Portman, Lauren Ambrose is lending her charms, and the true muse of Don Roos, Lisa Kudrow, should guarantee plenty of sardonic strength and support. The film's tone, based on Ayelet Waldman's novel, looks to be more melodramatic and teary-eyed than usual for Roos, possibly playing more to the moods of his plane crash romance, Bounce. It might not be worth all this pursuit, but I still love Lisa Kudrow.

Status: Curious

Money can't buy happiness,

but surely a criminal defense lawyer.

Lucky

directed by: Gil Cates Jr.

written by: Kent Sublette

starring: Colin Hanks, Ari Graynor, Ann-Margret, Jeffrey Tambor

Basically: A serial killer's luck cashes in when he wins the lottery and finally has an in with the girl of his dreams.

And We Should Care Because: So I worked on the (amazing) crew. So I made the wrong kind of tea for Ann-Margret. So promoting this film seems like a cheap, false ploy. Not so! I'm lucky enough to really believe that the film has all the potential in the world, with a uniquely sick, sweet and satirical tone, and a cast more than ready for the challenge. Colin Hanks seems perfect for the part -- he is suspiciously normal with a dark comic streak. And Ari Graynor (Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Whip It, Youth in Revolt) is more than deserving of a showcase with the screentime to match her stellar comedic chops. Then there's the likes of legendary and lovable Ann-Margret as Hank's mother, and Jeffrey Tambor's more serious side. All great people to boot. Don't take my word for it, but your odds are infinitely better than winning the lottery.

Status: Can't Miss

First Michelle Williams lost her dog, Lucy.

Now she's lost the entire Oregon Trail.

Meek's Cutoff

directed by: Kelly Reichardt

written by: Jon Raymond

starring: Michelle Williams, Paul Dano, Bruce Greenwood, Shirley Henderson

Basically: Three families attempt crossing the Cascade Mountains in 1845 with the help of their guide, Stephen Meeks, whose shortcuts leads them onto a path of desolation, until they meet a Native American wanderer.

And We Should Care Because: Kelly Reichardt's last feature, Wendy and Lucy, used sparseness and subtlety to gain surprising emotional heft, also displaying the nuanced talents of Michelle Williams in the lead. Old Joy likewise found in Reichardt a talent for blending vivid, real world environments with impactful character arcs. This period piece set upon the Oregon Trail similarly takes on a tale of drifters, and of human nature at a cross with the natural landscape. She has a skill for crafting small, personal films that bring about remarkable implications of much greater scale (Wendy and Lucy's lost dog walks with the immense weight of homelessness, poverty and a wayward American dream). Let Kelly Reichardt be our guide. Guaranteed there will be no desolate shortcuts.

Status: Can't Miss

No souls left to take after

the Twilight franchise...

My Soul to Take

directed and written by: Wes Craven

starring: Shareeka Epps, Max Thieriot, Nick Lashaway, Denzel Whitaker

Basically: A town's legendary serial killer vows to return and kill the seven children born on the day of his death. Sixteen years later the murders commence. Is one of the children responsible, or has the killer made his supernatural return?

And We Should Care Because: Wes Craven's last attempt to write and direct yielded the savvy series highlight and Freddy reinvention, Wes Craven's New Nightmare -- an underrated display of Craven's talent for witty and innovative premise with a signature dark streak. Since then Craven has receded to directorial gigs to the smashing success of Scream and the dismal failures of the studio-hacked, ironically named Cursed, and inevitably declining sequels like Scream 3. True to Craven's career though he's made a genre classic for every mediocre effort, but his auteur works are often his most memorable (The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street). His premise here recalls both his Nightmare glory days and... Shocker. Things could fall either way. Anybody want to bet these kids use boobytraps to fight their killer? It worked for Nancy Thompson, the Collingwood parents and the Carter Clan. Let's hope it gives us what the Nightmare remake inevitably won't: genuine horror that's genuinely creative.

Status: Curious

Part Four soon!