Love and Other Hardcore Drugs

Virgin Viewings for September

ENTER THE VOID (2010)

directed by: Gaspar Noe

written by: Gaspar Noe, Lucile Hadzihalilovic

Oscar (Nathaniel Brown) dies during a botched drug deal in Tokyo while dosing on DMT. Life and death flash before his eyes as Oscar tries to hold on to a childhood promise made to his struggling sister, Linda (Paz de la Huerta).

According to the Tibetan Book of the Dead, when you die you float above your life in an astral sort of abyss. If you plan on dying in Tokyo, make sure you're not epileptic. Gaspar Noe's latest stylistic descent, Enter the Void, is a deliriously vivid look into everything from birth to death, to everything before, after or inbetween.

It's cyclical, seizure-strobing, arthouse entertainment that takes great leaps in technical innovation to tell a rather simplistic story, all through the grandiose scope of the existential. As visually vibrant as its characters are dim, Noe's film feels like that rare feat of cult filmmaking with the budget to match its stoner-influenced audacity. It's a full-fledged cinematic experience of the variety I haven't seen since David Lynch's Inland Empire; another work so immersed in its own trippy wavelength that it serves up marvel and annoyance in equal measure (although Noe's film is notably more straightforward -- glowstick genitals, cumshot POV's and all). I was witness to several walkouts at my screening (and several walk-ins upon the sound of orgasm), as well as people bracing their heads between their legs as the strobe white flickers forced them to pretend to be tying their shoelaces over and over again. That certainly didn't happen when I saw Inception, a film that most seem to praise as the year's biggest headtrip. Where Inception has to tell you that you're in a dream (...and tell you ...and tell you), Enter the Void trips, floats, freefalls, glides and penetrates the dream state head on.

It's a bit like 2001: A Space Odyssey's visionary trip to Jupiter, accompanied by a pipe and an erection. Noe's collision of imagery and sound is utterly spectacular as it hovers through all sorts of existential dread. Even the opening credit sequence outdoes most feature films in its pure cinematic assault. It's all so fluid, innovative and abrasive, that it's like a psychedelic rollercoaster diving into an oncoming truck, or an airplane mid-flight. Even at its most repetitive (there's a whole lot of soaring between lights, and Paz de la Huerta sounding raspy and bored), it has a cumulative tenacity and aura that is simply unforgettable. Destined for stoner cinephile infamy, Enter the Void is pure cinema that I'm oh so happy to inhale.

Even with his penchant for plummeting headfirst into grim material such as rape, abortion, murder and incest in films like I Stand Alone and Irreversible, I still consider this statement to be the most shocking thing Gaspar Noe's ever done:

Do you have any American actors you'd want to work with?

I guess just the ones who are my friends. The last one I saw was really pretty... what was her name... Kristen Stewart, the one who was in "Twilight." She has such an expressive face.

Like a fire extinguisher to the face, that's bold and shocking!

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Orgasm

CRIMES OF PASSION (1984)

directed by: Ken Russell

written by: Barry Sandler

Clothing designer Joanna Crane (Kathleen Turner) sidelines as a prostitute names China Blue, who becomes savior to a bitterly married man (John Laughlin). Meanwhile a maniacally obsessed reverend (Anthony Perkins) wants to be China Blue's client, savior, and ultimately her killer.

Love is...

never having to say you're seeking sex

outside the marriage.

Something akin to Eyes Wide Shut on poppers, Ken Russell's Crimes of Passion is a unique satire of relationships and American sexual mores. It's erotica at its most repugnant, equal parts fascinating and dull, clever and ill-conceived. Inbetween China Blue's business transactions are inserts of the Kama Sutra, even a short film featuring a wedded couple, their skeletons and caged birds. It's either an artistically charged meditation on love and sex that has been dunked in smut, or it's just smut with artsy pretensions. Either way works, but I'm not sure this film does completely. Then again, I'm not sure I'd have it any other way.

Russell's film (as should be expected) is bonkers. It's an ode to warped desires that has the gall to once again humiliate Anthony Perkins with an ugly wig and a dress, and a doctor's bag of sex toys that includes a vibrator esteemed for its ability to give less pleasure than pain. Perhaps it's best not to detail Kathleen Turner's use of a nightstick on her cop clientele, or Perkins fucking a blow up doll until it bleeds. The mere fact that I can even mention a film with such scenes is reason enough for this one to exist.

What a world of respect I have for Kathleen Turner, who has plenty of sordid fun with her role, from her soulful speeches as Miss Liberty, to her petrified popping of bubblegum. What a wealth of varied delights through her filmography as well -- from sexpot (Body Heat) to savage (War of the Roses), sociopathic (Serial Mom) to stifled (The Virgin Suicides). Crimes of Passion gives her plenty to play with, both in terms of delicious dialogue and dirty deeds, and Turner is one of the few actresses I could imagine would be game.

Love interest John Laughlin is charming in a bland, I've-forgotten-everything-about-the-man kind of way. Their love story is supposedly profound, but only given the fact that China's clearly whacked and Laughlin's wife (Annie Potts of Designing Women!) is a one-note icy bitch. Perhaps it's because Laughlin's lack of personality has been nicely veiled by his nice, athletic figure. His "Human Penis" party gag alone is reason enough for his wife to divorce him. It really is the perfect way to say to your friends, "My wife and I have a miserable, sexless marriage, and I'm a walking hard-on!"

And Anthony Perkins as Reverend Repression... oh how he does sexually disturbed psychos proud. If once we were led to believe he would never harm a fly, we now can't help but believe he's a closeted transvestite nutjob. That we can have faith in.

Ken Russell's directorial hand is both deft and clumsy, maybe intentionally so. For every sharply written scene and stylistic flourish, there's a humdrum commentary on marriage, or a hideous synth score by Rick Wakeman (think Civil War anthem on Casio keyboard) to bring it right back down the ladder. I can't help but admire it all the same in a very sick, senseless way. It's often called a masterpiece, and I'm fine with such acclaim being heaped on anything this debauched. Like a stroll through the red light district, it's a curious detour that makes you feel both titillated and gross. But like any marriage, it definitely hits some rough patches.

Mass for Cinephile Shut Ins: Part One

Far more exciting than any 'Best of' lists are those detailing movies any of us have yet to see -- feeding the deep-seated yearning to discover what's yet to come from our favorite directors, writers, and most beloved actors. With each new minuscule plot detail and late-in-the-game title change comes the potential for new surprises, new discoveries, new possibilities. They build our expectations and validate our eventual disappointment. Let us commune over all this vague pre-publicity so as to garner faith and hope for a bright cinematic future. And let us also pass invalid judgment.

This is Part One.

Lethal Weapon 5

Buddy comedy has never been this racially insensitive!

THE BEAVER

directed by: Jodie Foster

written by: Kyle Killen

starring: Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster

Basically: A CEO with a down-and-out family life turns a beaver puppet he recovers from the trash into a tool for of self-therapy.

And We Should Care Because: Jodie Foster returns to directing after 15 years since Home for the Holidays, another family-centric film steeped in neuroses. Knowing Jodie Foster's personal life gives extra immature chuckles to the film's title, The Beaver, while Mel Gibson takes advantage of his personal life in using a beaver puppet to spout his offenses. Jodie Foster also gives herself a long overdue central role as the wife, while Gibson will get to play up his comedic chops and gain forgiveness for his last attempt at such, 2000's What Women Want. Do beaver puppets breed dangerously indie quirk? Perhaps, but Jodie Foster's attachment and directorial return breed promise.

Status: Curious

Iñárritu enunciates the title of his new film, Biutiful.

BIUTIFUL

directed by: Alejandro González Iñárritu

written by: Alejandro González Iñárritu, Armando Bo, Nicolás Giacobone

starring: Javier Bardem, Blanca Portillo

Basically: A man involved in illegal dealing is reunited with a childhood friend, now a policeman.

And We Should Care Because: Iñárritu's mixing it up it would seem. He's not using his trademark style of separate stories as means of interconnectedness, nor an inexplicable accident to center the action, as was the case in Amores Perros, 21 Grams and Babel. Nevertheless he's holding strong his glimpse into human darkness and the power of cause and effect. Whatever your opinions on the approach, Iñárritu has a gift for creating intrigue and heightened drama with just the right blend of naturalism and visual flourish. He has also done right in stealing from Almodóvar's repertoire with the likes of Javier Bardem and Blanca Portillo. Chances are it will be a little bit miserablist and a whole lot biutiful.

Status: Curious

Natalie Portman really can work a pole (see: Closer).
Even when set to Swan Lake.

BLACK SWAN

directed by: Darren Aronofsky

written by: Darren Aronofsky, Mark Heyman

starring: Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Kassel, Winona Ryder, Barbara Hershey

Basically: A tale of psychological horror about a veteran ballerina's new rival, who could very well be a ghost or figment of her imagination.

And We Should Care Because: Darren Aronofsky is four for four, one of the great directorial talents working today. With a female-centric premise, dark psychological and sexual overtones (a rumored lesbian scene is getting most of the press), and a genuinely remarkable and underused cast, it looks to be another creative burst and change of tone for Aronofsky. Performance meets a psychological split -- could this be Aronofsky's Opening Night? Its ballet setting and moody underpinnings could make for a very stylish, surreal affair - all the more likely aided by cinematographer Matthew Libatique, and possibly another entranced score by Clint Mansell. Perhaps a blend of the low-key naturalism of The Wrestler with the dazzling headspace of The Fountain?

Status: Can't Miss

Are you 'avin a laugh?
Is anyone in this working-class town 'avin a laugh?

CEMETERY JUNCTION

directed and written by: Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant

starring: Ralph Fiennes, Ricky Gervais, Matthew Goode, Emily Watson

Basically: 1970's England serves as backdrop for this story of young working-class friends seeking a life change.

And We Should Care Because: The genius duo behind TV's The Office and Extras reunite for their first big-screen collaboration, and their gift for mining painfully funny truths out of everyday misery seems to bode well for this personalized period piece. Ricky's first feature, The Invention of Lying, may have suffered a forced ending, but its anti-religious satire and high-wire farce served the screen well. Also keep in mind that episodes of The Office were miraculously adept at mixing powerful laughs with unexpected poignancy, likely the tone this film is gearing toward. Picture Slough in the 1970's, populated this time by the stifled passions of youth. Bonus points: A Karl Pilkington cameo!

"I could eat a knob at night."

Status: Can't Miss

Arthouse Egoyan meets the Poison Ivy franchise?

CHLOE

directed by: Atom Egoyan

written by: Erin Cressida Wilson

starring: Julianne Moore, Amanda Seyfried, Liam Neeson

Basically: A wife suspecting of her husband's infidelities hires an escort, Chloe, to test his faithfulness. She soon finds herself orchestrating their sordid, escalating encounters, and rediscovering her own sensuality.

And We Should Care Because: Atom Egoyan makes arthouse fare that's seductive and devastating, both of which are encapsulated in this film's enticing premise. Erin Cressida Wilson also wrote the script for Secretary, and this one promises even more erotic (and explicit) encounters. Julianne Moore continues to marvel in edgy material, remarkably still drawn to sexually ambiguous extremes (2008's Savage Grace) and innovative auteurs.

Status: Can't Miss

Jason Alexander, Joe Pesci, Mickey Rourke, John C. Reilly...
Marisa Tomei is THE dreamy woman for not-so-dreamy men.

CYRUS

directed and written by: Jay and Mark Duplass

starring: Marisa Tomei, Jonah Hill, Catherine Keener, John C. Reilly

Basically: Divorced boy meets girl... meets her attached son.

And We Should Care Because: Mumblecore innovators Jay and Mark Duplass crafted The Puffy Chair and Baghead, as well as being involved in the 2009 surprise Humpday, all of which earned their charms from their no frills attitude and devotion to character. Things have changed drastically, and yet not really at all. Where once were the faces of complete unknowns now reside Oscar winners and box-office champs. The dynamite talents of Marisa Tomei and Catherine Keener in particular still seem in keeping with the indie world, but promise to garner the film and its makers a lot more attention upon its release.

Status: Can't Miss

Eat, pray, love. But only after getting approval from Oprah.

EAT, PRAY, LOVE

directed by: Ryan Murphy

written by: Ryan Murphy, Jennifer Salt, Elizabeth Gilbert (memoir)

starring: Julia Roberts, Richard Jenkins, Javier Bardem, James Franco, Billy Crudup, Viola Davis

Basically: A woman with a seemingly complete life decides to divorce her husband and set out on a personal journey around the world.

And We Should Care Because: Julia Roberts gets another deserved showcase despite the film's seemingly disposable summary, title, and ties to Oprah's Book Club. Not since Erin Brockovich has Roberts been given such a spotlight, and with a startling supporting cast, it's enticing to think the film will blend her comic and dramatic chops together with enough awards-charged gusto. Ryan Murphy's cinematic prowess only extends to one other memoir adaptation, the disappointingly received Running with Scissors, but then he's also the mind behind uneven but admirable TV hits Nip/Tuck and Glee. Still holding out hope that Julia can hit Sandra Bullock in her Blind Side and steal back her title as box office queen.

Status: Mild Intrigue

What happens in Tokyo stays in Tokyo.
Especially if you're dead.

ENTER THE VOID

directed and written by: Gaspar Noé

starring: Nathaniel Brown, Paz de la Huerta, Emily Alyn Lind, Cyril Roy

Basically: A man caught in a hallucinatory afterlife observes the effects of his own demise after a drug deal goes awry in a Tokyo bar.

And We Should Care Because: Unlike Peter Jackson's The Lovely Bones, which imagines the afterlife to be a vibrant desktop screensaver, Gaspar Noé's film imagines it as a psychedelic headtrip to rival 2001: A Space Odyssey. The film's lengthy runtime of nearly three hours promises a full on cinematic immersion, rumored to include plenty of the arty and extreme sex and violence that's Noé's specialty. After notorious shockers I Stand Alone and Irréversible, Noé's rep is to combine innovative technique with mindblowing, and possibly mind-scarring, moments. Early reviews criticize it as overlong and containing of a few underwhelming performances, but quickly counter that by commending the film's bold visual and auditory scope, and all-encompassing experience to be welcomed alongside stoner classics such as 2001 and Fantasia.

Status: Can't Miss

Two teasers for the film here: Floating and Strobing. They're not for the easily disoriented, those prone to seizures or, god forbid, anyone who's sober.


Part Two soon.

2009 and Beyond the Infinite: Part 2

A look into the films of the future.

Part 1 available here.

Dark Shadows

Release: 2010 (?)
Director: Tim Burton

The soapy sixties saga from creator Dan Curtis about time-shifting vampire Barnabas Collins and his dark legacy is always ripe to be drained of its blood. There was already the nineties' short-lived revival series, and this decade's botched teenage spin, but now it's Tim Burton's turn to revisit the Gothic mystery of Collinwood Manor. It sounds unexpectedly enticing! Naturally Johnny Depp's set for the lead, but this time it's as much about good casting as it is Burton's friendly obligation. The series had a tone of playful fantasy that can be Burton's specialty, although Big Fish and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory seemed like manufactured whimsy more than inspired streams of his imagination. See Edward Scissorhands or Beetlejuice for that. John August is writing the script and we can probably assume it will stick to the core story of Barnabas falling for the beautiful visitor Victoria Winters, who bears a striking resemblance to his long lost love Josette. It's all about witches, werewolves and Barnabas Fucking Collins! (John August is welcome to use that line in the film.) Burton's off doing his version of Alice in Wonderland first, also starring Johnny Depp, but we'll wait and see if he can recover some of that old black magic.

A natural progression.

Enter the Void
Release: 2009 (Cannes Film Festival)
Director: Gaspar Noé

If you've got a strong stomach or a substance abuse problem, this one's your golden ticket! Shocking and innovative French director Gaspar Noé (I Stand Alone) takes us on a psychedelic trip through the mind of a man on the brink of death. Noé says the film, which was recently completed in Tokyo, will be an exhaustive experience blending dreams, memory and startling streams of consciousness. He mentions his primary influence was the mind melding 2001: A Space Odyssey, which he already made direct connections to in the bold and controversial Irreversible. The trippy, "melodramatic" plot concerns a brother's efforts to save his sister while having a near death experience. It sounds radically visual with an inventive narrative, and there's no doubt Noé's got a little shock left in his system. Check out the film's striking poster art and more of Noé's thoughts here.

"Someone in here!"

Satisfaction
Release: 2009 (?)
Director: Miranda July

Me, you and everyone I know loved Miranda July's indie/performance art debut. Her follow-up is a modern romantic comedy that, according to Variety, "turns on a young couple: Jason, goes off on an ecological mission; Sophie starts an affair with an older man. Both events threaten the relationship." Some threads of the film might even connect to July's recent short story collection No One Belongs Here More Than You. Expect big heart, inoffensive quirk, and possibly some small kids chatting poetically about scat.

))<>((

Love and Other Impossible Pursuits
Release: 2009 (?)
Director: Don Roos

Am I actually looking forward to a movie starring Jennifer Lopez? To that I say, "Enough!" But then I look out the window and hell hasn't frozen over. It's just her good luck to be paired with a hilarious queer director and his perfect sardonic muse Lisa Kudrow. Don Roos, who gave us The Opposite of Sex and the undervalued Happy Endings, is back with another take on the perils and promise of modern relationships. According to the (far too spoilerish) synopsis here, the film follows an aspiring lawyer (Lopez) whose flirtation with a married senior partner (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) quickly spins into marriage, pregnancy, and dealing with a difficult stepchild. Did you just nod off? Well it takes some darker turns from there which sound like they'll definitely reap the heavy drama. It's based on a novel by Ayelet Waldman and could be more in keeping with Roos' 2000 feature Bounce. I'm not making this sound good at all... But Lisa Kudrow everybody!

Antichrist
Release: 2009
Director: Lars von Trier

Previously discussed here. While we wait on Washington and pray Nicole Kidman frees up her schedule, we get this equally drool-worthy prospect. Lars von Trier is fusing his notoriously horrifying take on humanity with a more genre-based horror. It's got a cabin in the woods, a demonic pregnancy and Willem Dafoe, all working their way under your skin. Do yourself a favor and gear up for this one by watching von Trier's miniseries spectacular The Kingdom (Riget). Because where else can you see Udo Kier's adult head emerging from a womb?

Rosemary had it easy.

Taking Woodstock
Release: 2009
Director: Ang Lee

Recently discussed here. I lust for any new Ang Lee film, devoid of caution that it could ever disappoint. (Covering my ears as you say The Hulk). Gay themes, Emile Hirsch and Jeffrey Dean Morgan! ...Oh, and something about music... or some kind of festival... maybe?

"Bring on shirtless Emile Hirsch! ...Oh, and the band. We should probably hear the band."

Margaret
Release: 2009
Director: Kenneth Lonergan

Kenneth Lonergan's second feature has been a long time coming. It was way back in 2000 that he warmed indie-loving hearts with the magnificent You Can Count On Me. Stars of that film Mark Ruffalo and Matthew Broderick (plus your standard Culkin kid) are joined by Matt Damon and Anna Paquin for this morality based drama. The film follows Lisa Cohen (Paquin), a high school student witness to a horrible traffic accident. She feels as though the tragedy may have inadvertently been her fault, and in efforts to make things right with herself she brings about complications with those around her. It sounds like another richly rewarding character piece from Lonergan, and if it's anything like his debut we can expect some wonderfully natural dialogue and subtly affecting humor.

She's too depressed to be fucking Matt Damon.

Part 3 coming soon.

A Midsummer Multiplex Dream

Sequels, superheroes and spinoffs rule the cinematic world. What fools we moviegoers be...

As I drift off to sleep during the latest uninspired summer spectacle, let me dream of psychedelic drug trips, bi-sexual Spanish encounters, and Jason Bateman.


If there were five films I dream of seeing this very second -- five films that await me in my moviegoing future and that I long to rescue me from this celluloid slump -- these five would be it:

Enter the Void

(Is there a better image and title to describe the summer movie experience?)

Gaspar Noe, the man behind the jaw-dropping and unforgettable films Irreversible and I Stand Alone is back, ready to scar cinephiles with another disorienting descent into the dark side. Noe explains his latest, Enter the Void, as an enticing blend of dreams and hallucination:

The visions described in the script are inspired partly by the accounts of people who have had near-death experiences, who describe a tunnel of light, seeing their lives flashing past them and ‘astral’ visions, and partly by similar hallucinatory experiences obtained by consuming DMT, the molecule which the brain sometimes secretes at the moment of death and which, in small doses, enables us to dream at night.

The film should sometimes scare the audience, make it cry and, as much as possible, hypnotise it. Twitch

I can't recall seeing a film since Irreversible that's had quite the same shattering effect. Its style, its shock, its complete willingness to lose its audience within minutes of the start time... With Noe taking his talents into the surreal, the realm of the mind, I can only imagine it will be an experience like none other. Will he actually try to top that nine minute rape scene or the nastiest of nasty face smashings?

Noe is the rarest breed of cult filmmaker in that he's able to push all taste barriers and still maintain a level of artistry and technical innovation. Mental trauma might rarely make for great "entertainment," but when the time comes for Noe to install electrodes in theater seats, I'll be front and center.

Broken Embraces
(Los abrazos rotos)

Pedro Almodovar's been on a vicious hot streak, making masterpiece after masterpiece for quite a number of years now. His latest, Broken Embraces, re-teams him with Penelope "she's amazing... when she's in Spanish" Cruz. Her turn in last year's Volver was sexy, subtle and astonishing, so it's all the more exciting to see what direction they'll take with this, their fourth collaboration. Almodovar regulars like Rossy de Palma and Chus Lampreave are also attached to smaller roles, so there's no reason to believe this delirious streak won't continue.

The basic premise remains vague. It's about... you guessed it, a broken embrace. But who needs more details than that? Almodovar says his inspiration for this project "comes from the darkness," and that it's his "most novel-like story to date." That's quite a drool-worthy statement, considering the man's work is always so richly textured and effortlessly evolving. If Pedro were here right now, I'd hug him and I'd never pull away.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Two Penelope Cruz movies on one list? I'm as surprised as you are, but then the girl has proven her chops. And technically she's still in Spanish speaking territory so we're in the clear.

I've been on a Woody Allen binge lately, falling in love again with some of his often forgotten classics like Another Woman, Husbands and Wives and Interiors. Simply put, they're AMAZING and the man can make forty-billion Small Time Crooks with those on his resume. Realistically, Woody's reputation doesn't deserve the beating its gotten in recent years. Even his weak films are decidedly better than most, and it was evident with Match Point that he's still got a heavenly gift, it's just waiting to shine on the right project.

Let's hope Vicky Cristina Barcelona is it. I love the idea of Woody Allen trying out new environments (this time Spain... obviously) and, true to his skill set, he seems to be dealing with moral conflicts and sexual mores at their insightful, probing best.

Cruz stars alongside boyfriend Javier Bardem, the amazing Patricia Clarkson, and current Allen muse Scarlett Johansson, in a story of lustful encounters on a Spanish summer holiday. We have the promise of gorgeous sunlit locales and steamy sexual deceit, some even of the bi-sexual variety, just for good measure. Sounds to me like he's on the right track.

I'm hoping the movie's title derived from Woody Allen being SO excited about his idea that those three words in tandem were all he could get out.

The Informers

Bret Easton Ellis and his ever-charming nihilism have served the makings of two sublime cult classics, American Psycho and The Rules of Attraction. The latest adaptation comes in the form of The Informers, based on a collection of randomly linked short stories that Ellis wrote in 1994. The book is a deliciously bleak and funny view of the LA wasteland, with characters as despicable and delightful as those we've come to expect from Ellis. The film version is well on track with a cast ironically culled from the same LA wasteland. Winona Ryder, Billy Bob Thornton, Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke and Chris Isaak star, and it's also the final film for actor Brad Renfro, who died back in January of a heroine overdose.

Ellis co-wrote the script this time around (with Nicholas Jarecki, a newcomer), which should be interesting since this is his first film adaptation and it's of his own work. The previous film variations have had to take their own unique slant to even attempt capturing the dark tone of his work and they've succeeded remarkably well. Naturally one would assume his own personal touch would be a bonafide plus.

The stories contained here include rock stars, movie executives, child murderers and... vampires? It's a challenging bit of material to be sure, but with just enough cerebral satire to sour anyone who's feeling good about themselves or those around them. Guaranteed.

Arrested Development: The Movie

I'm a total cheat, this one's not even in production yet, but... the rumor mill has been heating up like a Bluth Company Cornballer! Given Michael Cera and Jason Bateman's surging careers, as well as the show's still surging reputation for unabashed brilliance, it's about time we pay another visit to the Bluth family.

If we must suffer movie spinoffs, at least make one that's justifiable. COME ON! How about one based on a now classic series whose life was cut tragically short when people preferred to see D-grade celebrities have a dance off. The silver lining was that Arrested Development never had the chance to decline past anything but perfection. The tragedy was that there wasn't even a hint of that decline. The Fox Network made a huge mistake...

I don't even care to imagine the plot because creator Mitch Hurwitz would come up with something infinitely better, but if he can reassemble the dynamite cast, I have no doubt this would be a comedy for the ages. Considering the building fan anticipation and the lingering studio restraint, the series' title gains even more significance.