Saturday, February 7, 2009

A Politically Incorrect Family Picnic with Kerri Kenney



"This here actually is my plot. Obviously there's nobody in it yet, but God willing there will be. Hi Mom.


My mom started collecting Beanie Babies about four years after she died.

I used to leave 'em out here. In fact I had a whole collection for her... She had a great Princess Diana bear. Those are a fortune. I had a hard time gettin' her that one. She was really excited when I did get it... And I left 'em out here, you know, thinking this is a sacred place, and uh... Some nigger kid took 'em I think.


I have real dark skin. My mom was real light-skinned. She was an Irish... girl. I have real dark skin because I was -- apparently, so they say, I was raped -- My mother was raped -- by an American Indian. She had gone on -- it was some sort of... souvenir hunt in, uh, Minnesota. Wandered onto a reservation and BOOM they raped her.


They're talkin' about letting more, uh... Asian people in here, and uh, I put up a fliar -- of course without my name on it or any information -- saying, you know, "Let's try and keep--" In so many words, "Let's try and keep the Asians out." And I haven't heard anything back, but then again I didn't put my name or any phone number on it so... I don't know how I would hear back."

Art Class with Kate Winslet



Today's Lessons:


Lesson 1: Persuade other artists to show you their techniques

"I want you to draw me like one of your Fre
nch girls. Wearing this. Wearing only this."



Lesson 2:
Use life models



"Oh, I haven't gotten around to drawing her yet. I was going to pop her on a rock, but I seem to have run out of room. Sorry... I don't know if you noticed, Mrs. Collins, that I've actually drawn St. George in the likeness of the world's greatest tenor, Mario Lanza."


Kate's Favorite Color:
Blue


Kate's Favorite Medium:
Watercolor


As long as we're all sharing our creative output, I've posted the latest installment of "Signatures" over at Film Experience, dedicated this time to the great artist Kate Winslet. Read it in the tub.

Monday, February 2, 2009

You've Been Blown Off by Jodie Foster


Hey, Jodie Foster! Hang out with us!
No? Maybe some other time.

We can take a hint. Even Jodie Foster needs some fresh air and some alone time.


It's just that... we grew up together. We first knew Jodie when she was just The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. But she always did keep to herself.


And even back then Jodie was used to having the house all to herself. If only because her parents were dead, but the girl does love the quiet.


Now it's getting harder and harder to stay in contact with her.


She's always off in her own little world. She'll do just about anything to escape.


She should really get out more. But even when she does Jodie's always drawn to prison cells, basements, airplanes, tunnels, pool halls, and if you're really unlucky, a dark alley. Jodie feels comfortable in the dark. Even though awful things always seem to happen there...


Sorry to sneak up on you like that, but...

We're worried about you, Jodie.
We hardly get to see you anymore!



But we trust that she'll still put on a brave face and take to the streets eventually.


So perhaps she just prefers a night in... But if it was up to Jodie she'd never leave the house. And for that matter, even if it wasn't up to her...


Don't panic, Jodie. Just call us when you get back from your "trip." Whenever.

If and when we never see Jodie again, we'll know she has retreated to the woods to live a solitary life. But at least we know she's getting some fresh air.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

A Picture is Worth So and So Words...


...But probably enough for two posts.

Here are a few of my favorite film (and one TV) stills from Club Silencio past. They need no real introduction.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Positive Thoughts with Penélope Cruz



So Penélope's not playing a prostitute, a historical figure, a Holocaust survivor or a victim of mental illness... I still think her Oscar odds are pretty good. As my latest "Signatures" post suggests, things should all work out if she just stays positive.

Then again... if she couldn't nab an Oscar for playing a pregnant HIV-positive nun who helps drug addicted transvestite prostitutes... All bets are off.

But I'm leaving the positive thoughts to Penélope.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Retro Posters in Heat!


Sisters really are doing it for themselves.


Well if Kathy and Dale, Natalie and Irv,
Thelma and Mike, and Liz and Mitch are doing it...


"...They are the lurking,
unseen evil you dare not face alone!"

They're also the new ad campaign for Planned Parenthood.


-- The most orgasmic news yet: Bosnuk's awesome Wrong Side of the Art is back and better than ever! Go ahead, pleasure yourself.

Friday, January 23, 2009

If You Weren't So Charming, I'd Kill Myself


Trix are for kids. Animated films are for emotionally dead adults.

Don't get me wrong, there are important lessons here for any child as well: don't let your animals play with firearms, make sure your little sister eats something, and always phone the folks before a nuclear holocaust. But these animated films have something that Dora the Explorer will never have: soul-crushing honesty. Best to wait 'til your kids are eleven.

These films may finally kill that part of yourself that still believes in things like hope and human triumph, but they are masterfully done for all that dismal aftermath. Let us be thankful for such elegant and emotional art films as we let our cars run in the garage.

WARNING: Some spoilers and irreparable psychological trauma.



The Plague Dogs
(1982 - Martin Rosen)

Hope: The will to survive even the harshest conditions is made painfully (!) clear in this tale of two canines and their escape from an animal testing facility into an equally cruel outside world. A friendship is formed between Snitter and Rowf that helps them sustain hope in finding some glimmer of happiness at the sparkling edge of the earth.

Hopelessness: The film's unflinching horrors happen right from the start! Animal's are drowned and placed in incinerators, people are run over, eaten and shot in the face. Oh the humanity! If there is such a thing...

Key moment of despair: Snitter's endearing, desperate hunt for a human master leads him directly into the arms of a strolling hunter -- and accidentally tripping the trigger on his shotgun. Snitter's dreams end in a shocking, devastating, blood-soaked instant.


We the viewers get dealt a similar blow.


When the Wind Blows
(1986 - Jimmy T. Murakami)


Hope:
It's like those old couples that know each other so well that even their bickering transcends the bitterness and baggage to become something soulful and inspiring. An adorable English couple, Jim and Hilda Bloggs, talk about the impending bombing with as much regard for scorched earth as their untended garden. We're comforted by their timeless bond and ability to ponder tea time... even when their water supply has been permanently shut off.


Hopelessness: Despite their best intentions and upbeat demeanor, the radioactive fallout inevitably has its afterburn. Jim and Hilda slowly fade into oblivion, overcome by weakness and disease. That's what you get for trusting your government.

Key moment of despair: James comments on Hilda's red lips and she's quick to respond, "Lipstick? What do you mean, James? I haven't worn lipstick for years." Not so much a new shade as the aftereffects of nuclear radiation. Feel that endless shudder.



Grave of the Fireflies
(1988 - Isao Takahata)

Hope: At least Seita and the ever-so-adorable Setsuko still have each other. Even after being orphaned in the war and left to survive off of dried toads, this loving brother-sister duo is an inspiration in their never-fledgling devotion and will to survive. World War II has left Japan in a dire situation, but they still manage to raise each others spirits and would readily go to the ends of the earth for one another. It's completely heartwarming... And yet...

Hopelessness: Food is scarce and no one's willing to offer a stray grain of rice. No one is spared the effects of war, not even an innocent child.

Key moment of despair: "Rice balls. I made them for you..." Left behind by Seita in yet another search for sustenance, a delusional, malnourished Setsuko makes a meal for the two out of dirt gathered from the floor. Horrifying, heartbreaking, and somehow still adorable. Consider your spirits eternally crushed.


If Dora ever decides to explore war-torn Japan, someone remind her to pack a sack lunch.