A Politically Incorrect Family Picnic with Kerri Kenney

"This here actually is my plot. Obviously there's nobody in it yet, but God willing there will be. Hi Mom.


My mom started collecting Beanie Babies about four years after she died.

I used to leave 'em out here. In fact I had a whole collection for her... She had a great Princess Diana bear. Those are a fortune. I had a hard time gettin' her that one. She was really excited when I did get it... And I left 'em out here, you know, thinking this is a sacred place, and uh... Some nigger kid took 'em I think.


I have real dark skin. My mom was real light-skinned. She was an Irish... girl. I have real dark skin because I was -- apparently, so they say, I was raped -- My mother was raped -- by an American Indian. She had gone on -- it was some sort of... souvenir hunt in, uh, Minnesota. Wandered onto a reservation and BOOM they raped her.


They're talkin' about letting more, uh... Asian people in here, and uh, I put up a fliar -- of course without my name on it or any information -- saying, you know, "Let's try and keep--" In so many words, "Let's try and keep the Asians out." And I haven't heard anything back, but then again I didn't put my name or any phone number on it so... I don't know how I would hear back."

Art Class with Kate Winslet

Today's Lessons:

Lesson 1: Persuade other artists to show you their techniques

"I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this. Wearing only this."

Lesson 2: Use life models

"Oh, I haven't gotten around to drawing her yet. I was going to pop her on a rock, but I seem to have run out of room. Sorry... I don't know if you noticed, Mrs. Collins, that I've actually drawn St. George in the likeness of the world's greatest tenor, Mario Lanza."

Kate's Favorite Color: Blue

Kate's Favorite Medium: Watercolor

As long as we're all sharing our creative output, I've posted the latest installment of "Signatures" over at Film Experience, dedicated this time to the great artist Kate Winslet. Read it in the tub.

Career Fallback with Uma Thurman

"I'd love to be a whore for a year. Just a year."

The Amish Complex with Naomi Watts

"Wake up, pretty girl! The joke's on you. The joke is on you!

Don't look at me. I just want to be left alone. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of you all looking at me...

Look at me, please, please, please! Everybody! Everybody look at me now. I am so pretty. I am so pretty. Look at me. Everybody just wants to be me. I'm pretty!"

Check out my latest "Signatures" post in which I take a gander at Naomi Watts exquisite guide to grieving. Turns out grief's like the Amish -- you just have to accept it.

FFFFuckabees!

Under the Sea with Asia Argento

Now I get why Ariel's undersea pals put so much pressure on her to go to second with Prince Eric. There's something in the water.

Movin' On Up with Maggie Gyllenhaal

"I'll suck your dick if you give me the job I want."

Woah, Maggie! First off: I'm broke. Second: I'm not an employment agency. And third: I'd rather be discussing this with your brother.

In the meantime read up on my latest "Signatures" post at The Film Experience in which I discuss "The Maggie Gyllenhaal Method" of how to get ahead.

...Well, alright Maggie, but I've only got twenty bucks on me...

The Christmas Spirit(s) with Margot Kidder

"Yule-ish. Very yule-ish."

Morning Espresso with Angelo Badalamenti

I'll tell you right now, you're picking up the check.

Storytelling with Ronee Blakely

"Y'know, I wanna tell you all a little secret which you might not know, and that is that last night I thanked my lucky stars that I could be here at all today to sing for you. And I heard on the radio the cutest little boy, he was nine years old -- and y'know how sometimes the DJ will play a tune and ask everybody to phone in and say how they like it, y'know... And, uh, I was listening to it, and they asked for callers to call in -- and this little nine-year-old boy called in -- and the song had voices in the background, like the way they use these backup voices these days sometimes, y'know, soundin' like little munchkins. He called up and the DJ said, "And how old are you son?" And the little boy said, "I'm nine and I think it's gonna be a hit." And the DJ said, "Why?" And he says, "Oh because it had those little Chipmunks in it." And I thought that was so cute because, well, I can sing like a munchkin myself, I don't know about you. And I'm real fond of The Wizard of Oz. And plus I live out, y'know, just a ways out here off of Highway Interstate 24 on the road to Chattanooga, so you can see why I kinda related to that... I don't know... I think me and the boys are gonna strike up another tune for you, um... Let's go boys!"

Slave Labor with Björk

I've been busy working additional part-time at a nearby factory to supplement my income. Seriously. Thanks, college. Ugh... don't you hate it when things like money, work and people interfere with watching movies?

My only comfort has been the thought of screaming out "UNION!" at random, or pretending I'm saving up all this money for my son's eye operation while I progressively go blind myself. Work is all about motivation.

Using the Public Men's Room with Virginia Madsen

"I hear you lookin' for Candyman, bitch!" Well you came to the right place. The month of October will be heavy on the horror here at Club Silencio... Because I'm creative like that.

So pay us a visit! And try to remember to wash your hands.

Playing Video Games with Jude Law

"That wasn't me that was my game character."

Election Excitement with Reese Witherspoon

Get Your Kicks with Tracy Flick...
At the Polls!