Profiles in Greatness: Patrick Bateman

PATRICK BATEMAN
in
AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000)

"There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no REAL me, only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hold my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there."

Age: 27
Business: Vice President, Pierce & Pierce
Education: Harvard Business School
Address: American Gardens Building, West 81st Street, New York, NY

Patrick on Health...
 

"A balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine... In the morning if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now."

"After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer. Then an anti-aging eye balm, followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion."

On Food...

"You're going to have the peanut butter soup with smoked duck and mashed squash. New York Matinee called it a "playful but mysterious little dish." You'll love it. And then the red snapper with violets and pine nuts. I think that'll follow nicely."

On Fashion...

"Wear a dress, a skirt or something... Come on, you're prettier than that... And high heels. I like high heels."

"You've got to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite "do's and don'ts" to wearing a bold-striped shirt. A bold-striped shirt calls for solid colored or discretely patterned suits and ties."

On Politics...

"We have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race. Stop terrorism. End world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination. And promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people."

"Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job?... Is that why you lost it? Insider trading? Just joking... Get a goddamn job, Al! You've got a negative attitude, that's what's stopping you."

On Sex...

"I'd like a girl. Early 20's, blonde, who does couples. Couples. And I really can't stress 'blonde' enough. BLONDE."

"Sabrina, don't just stare at it. Eat it."

LIKES...
 

• Crossword Puzzles
• Fine dining
• Foreplay ("That's a very fine chardonnay you're drinking. I want you to clean your vagina.")
• Minimalist design
• Musical theatre ("We went to a new musical called Oh Africa, Brave Africa. It was a laugh riot.")
• Coloring

• Journal writing
• J&B straight and a Corona
• Mineral water
• Business cards ("Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my god... It even has a watermark.")
• Deadlines ("I've got to return some videotapes.")
• Cocaine
• Sorbet
• Trivia ("Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog - a collie - was named Lassie? Have you heard this?")

DISLIKES...

• Dry cleaners ("It's cranberry juice. Cran-apple.")
• Dinner reservations ("I'm on the verge of tears by the time we arrive at Espace since I'm positive we won't have a decent table. But we do. And relief washes over me in an awesome wave.")
• Cash bars ("You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and then play around with your blood.")
• "Jew" Jokes ("Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.")
• "Tumbling, tumbling dickweed" Luis Carruthers
• Paul Allen ("I'm at a loss. He was part of that whole... Yale thing... Well, I think for one that he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That Yale thing.")
• Banking

FAVORITE FILMS & TV

• The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
• Jeopardy
• Inside Lydia's Ass
• The Cosby Show ("You'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable down at Four Seasons in twenty minutes.")

FAVORITE ALBUMS

Fore!, Huey Lewis and the News

"Their early work was a little too... new wave for my taste. But when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own. Commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

In '87 Huey released this: Fore! Their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to Be Square." A song so catchy most people probably don't listen to the lyrics, but they should. Because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself."

Phil Collins, Phil Collins

"I've been a big Genesis fan ever since their release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that I really didn't understand any of their work. It was too artsy. Too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins presence became more apparent. I think "Invisible Touch" is the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums... Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument.

In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism... Take the lyrics to "Land of Confusion." In this song Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "In Too Deep" is the most moving pop song of the 1980's, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. The lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock.

Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial, and therefore more satisfying in a narrower way. Especially songs like "In the Air Tonight" and "Against All Odds." But I also think that Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group than as a solo artist. And I stress the word ARTIST. This is "Sussudio." A great, great song. A personal favorite."

Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston

"Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston, had four number one singles on it? ...It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks. But "The Greatest Love Of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation and dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves... It's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others. We can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message. Crucial really... And it's beautifully stated on the album."

The Top (cough) Ten Movie Characters

A very cruel, consuming meme was just tagged to me called The Top 10 Movie Characters. The person who started this must be a sick individual with an undying love for cinema to equal his loathing of fellow cinephile bloggers. Well I accept his masochistic challenge, although with my usual hearty stipulation. The ten characters I've chosen -- in no particular order -- should not be considered comprehensive even for the next 24 hours. These characters do, however, seem to always pop into my psyche with reckless abandon. But trust that I'm not certifiable, just a bit "eccentric"...Which is also why I've only listed eight. It's not that I'm out of my mind, I just break with the norm.

Mabel Longhetti
(A Woman Under the Influence)

In the revelatory hands of Gena Rowlands, we know Mabel's a bit off-balance, but we can't be sure what exactly is to blame for this potential madness. Her obvious adoration for her husband and children somehow seem stifled by the weight of her responsibilities and too much time alone, but so much remains raw in the backstory of Mabel's maternal breakdown. Her descent into emotional hell, and eventual return home, remains one of the most aching, devastating and wholly-formed portraits of domestic drama ever captured. Go ahead and try not to think of Mabel whenever you see a mother picking up her kids from school. Then try not to cry and have yourself committed.

Betty Elms / Diane Selwyn
(Mulholland Dr.)

Is it fair to include a woman with a split dream persona as a single character? Otherwise it would pretty much be Diane hanging out in her bathrobe and crying... But combine her personalities and this is definitely the girl. Naomi Watts and David Lynch meld forces to form a wide-eyed optimist as mysterious as a locked blue box. She arrives in the city of dreams an amateur actress and jitterbug champ from Deep River, Ontario, and leaves with a hit on her bisexual lover's deceitful head.

For her sweet to smoldering audition, her melancholy masturbation frenzy, her romance drowned in bad espresso, and her guilt-ridden final rest; Betty/Diane is a fractured, funneled bit of innovation that somehow resonates more in all its abstraction. With her purity and innocence drained, Betty/Diane becomes another starlet lost to the Hollywood hills of obscurity; her dreams dashed against the wall behind a Winkies on Sunset Boulevard.

Millie Lammoreaux
(3 Women)

Millie's aim to be thoroughly modern seems to distance everyone around her. She prattles on aimlessly to anyone listening (or not) about magazine articles, recipes, home decor, and her ideas on how to sway a man in the go-go seventies. She's hyper-opinionated and just plain hyper. Shelley Duvall creates so perfectly every little nuance and nitpick of Millie's often-solitary self. As her identity eventually starts to meld/dissolve with her superfan Pinky Rose, Millie's prideful personality gives way to something dark, eerie and ambiguous. So much for her trademark "pigs in a blanket and chocolate puddin' tarts!"

Chow Mo-wan
(In the Mood for Love / 2046)

It's as if all of Chow's lust, longing and loss can be channeled through a millisecond of Tony Leung's affected gaze. His emotions hover over these films like the wafting fog of a chain-smoking binge. In the Mood for Love sees his passions for neighbor Su Li-zhen utterly ignite, just as quickly as they drift into being the sad memories of a divine love lost to the past. Chow's transformation into a closed-off playboy in 2046 only accentuates and echoes his still empty desires, and refusal to commit to another love that would only dissipate with time. So much beautiful and unspoken emotion for a male character, and so much beauty in Tony Leung.

Cuddles Kovinsky
(Polyester)

"How au courant!" Realistically any of Edith Massey's unhinged characters could merit a spot, but her turn as maid/socialite/best friend Cuddles Kovinsky might just be her most quotable and comically outstanding creation. Cuddles is at the top of the world with her debutante ball coming up, but she still finds time for her friend's AA meetings during her introduction into high society. So hysterical, I can only direct you to this post made in my endless adoration. Hurry, Heintz! Hurry!

Corky St. Clair

(Waiting for Guffman)

Because no man does regional theatre with quite the same passion and flair as Corky St. Clair and still finds the time to buy all his wife's clothes.

Amber Waves
(Boogie Nights)

Julianne Moore has her share of characters I'd happily mention (Carol White in Safe, Cathy Whitaker in Far from Heaven), but as Nat put so eloquently in his Top 10 Characters, Amber Waves is the foxiest bitch in the whole world. This was the role where Julianne Moore became something more. To steal from her own loving ode to Dirk Diggler: Amber is a woman of passion and mystery. She is a woman of lust.

What she does for the word "cock" is more than most actresses do with entire monologues. A porn legend and flailing mother whose passions and pathos are channeled by her soft voice and veiled tears behind the courthouse -- Amber makes such sensual waves as she tries to keep her head above water.

Patrick Bateman

(American Psycho)

Patrick's got a body to die for, and unfortunately for many hookers and models in the eighties, such was the case. If you were to take unquestioningly from his subtly off-white business card, you'd think Patrick was the ideal yuppie man. He loves Phil Collins and Whitney Houston, enjoys a night in with The Texas Chain Saw Massacre or Inside Lydia's Ass, and he takes note of real world issues like apartheid and the homeless. The whole serial murder thing still casts a pall perhaps, but the comforting thing is that it might just be all in his head. Comforting like a kitten... being fed to an ATM.


Quite the quality characters, those eight. Sorry to cut the Top Ten so short...

I'm meeting Cliff Huxtable at the Four Seasons and then I have to return some videotapes.

Batman, Bateman and a Bad Attitude

In the same time that The Dark Knight became Citizen Kane, I actually went to see the movie, much to my own surprise.


I own up to this: I don't care about superheroes. None of them really. Unless you count Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the series, obviously), the genre is completely off my radar. I love a rich mythology, veiled subtexts and hunky male leads though, so nothing seems missing on the surface. Still, with consistency, I forget these movies the moment I've left the theatre. Worse yet, as is completely unlike me, I nod off within the first hour. In my distaste for eating popcorn at the movies, do the popcorn movies pass me by?

Well to minimize the genre and this superior sequel is completely unfair. The Dark Knight has plenty of arc, a beefy Christian Bale (in too many layers), one of my favorite young actresses Maggie Gyllenhaal (with too few scenes), and even darker than usual undertones (with too little blood and gore, let's be honest). As for the plot? I may have forgotten it... Nevertheless, I know I've watched a superior superhero movie. More importantly, I stayed awake.


The Dark Knight doesn't buck character for explosions, it doesn't overuse CGI, and it strips bare most of the bombastic excess for a dense plot. That's not to say it does all this flawlessly, but it stays true to being a spectacle film while allowing that to be the cause of some stellar casting choices and well timed twists.

I guess I can't deride the film's over-hyped success either, as long as it's so far beyond the tripe that so often get this kind of box office reception. It's worthy of respect, but I'm not going to lie. I'm still hoping the next film in the franchise is the Batman & Robin kind of awful. There's a certain shitty novelty that I can appreciate there, plus I know mockery keeps me awake. Michael Caine, Gary Oldman and Christian Bale have foregone the puns and rubber nipple shots for a level of legitimacy I'm not sure I can get behind. Why so serious? If Morgan Freeman can't bear to say "let's kick some ice!"... fuck him.

Additional comments:

• I get a feeling the mockery is universal when it comes to Bale's "Batman Voice." It's not quite a John Wayne impersonation... So what's going on there?
  

• A great turn from Heath Ledger, of course. He gave every scene a certain sizzle that hasn't been in this series since Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman purred and pounced. She's still my favorite Batman villain, and that makes me think that in the next installment we need another female villain, or possibly the intro of the gay sidekick. Let's get this sexual tension thing going!
  

• I loved when Bruce Wayne walks into that party scene with three girls on his arm. He's a player, and I bet he's had a few Patrick Bateman-inspired "don't just stare at it, eat it" scenarios. Bateman is basically Batman, but instead of rescuing a stray cat, he'd try feeding it to an ATM. Ahh, Patrick Bateman... Saving the city from yuppies and the homeless, one day at a time.

Seriously. Any excuse.