Club Silencio Causes Cancer

After all this time I should apologize for all that secondhand smoke from my site banner:

It's toxic, and thus an appropriate lead in to my writing. Alas, to any longtime reader(s) I'll provide an apology in the form of some cinematic "No Smoking" scenes. Surprisingly they don't portray smoking as sexy, or sensual yet rugged, like we're used to in most cinema (and which I obviously prefer). Just because I can't smoke for my health, doesn't mean I don't expect actors to do so and die brilliantly for their art. Smoking isn't always pretty, but is oftentimes cool and downright hilarious.

from Heathers: The filthy side of fitting in...

from Beetlejuice: Trying to cut way back...

After all, smoking may seem all fun and cool, but anything that makes Nicolas Cage marginally attractive is not to be trusted. Not after Wicker Man and evidence of his hair in Bangkok Dangerous.

from Wild at Heart:

"I guess I started smokin' when I was about... four. My mom was already dead then from lung cancer."

At least smoker/director David Lynch still has a sense of humor about it.

from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me:

"If I had a nickel for every cigarette your mom smoked, I'd be dead."

Here's to all the edgy cinematic smokers, and we who gladly inhale their cinematic smoke secondhand. And to those of you who still read Club Silencio... Don't quit now! Just because it's bad for pregnant women and lungs doesn't mean you don't need it. It's cool, right?

Don't Tempt Me... Again

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#11-15)
(#16-20 here)

(Warning: Not sold temptingly.)

(11) King Shot
Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky
Executive Producer: David Lynch
Starring: Nick Nolte, Marilyn Manson, Asia Argento, Udo Kier, David Hess

If you look at that roster and feel nothing, you're at the wrong blog, mister. That's a whole lot of crazy on one crew sheet, and more than enough to make one hell of an interesting movie -- or at the very least a compelling disaster. Looks like cult cinema is about to give birth to a bastard child, and I can't think of anyone better to raise it than Jodorowsky and Lynch; two of the finest of fantastic filmmakers. Their work is supremely cinematic, audacious, ominous and wholly consuming... and little bit fucked up in the very best way. That last bit pretty much sums up that entire cast as well.

This concept art promises.. fun?

(12) The Countess
Director: Julie Delpy
Starring: Julie Delpy, William Hurt, Anamaria Marinca

I love me some Julie Delpy walking around European cities and talking. I'm not averse her to her ritualistically bathing in the blood of virgins either, as apparently she's prone to do now and again. Delpy's so multi-talented that she's playing the lead villainess, directing herself, and scoring the entire film. I'd say she should start her own cosmetics line, but you know those prices would be outrageous...

Countess Bathory had such a ritual in 16th-century Hungary, but such a small price for attaining that youthful glow. It all seems the making for a sinister and salacious costume drama, with some real talent on all sides of the camera... oddly enough all in the form of Julie Delpy.

Maybe she's born with it, but it's not Maybelline.

(13) 17 Photos of Isabel
Director: Don Roos
Starring: Natalie Portman, Lisa Kudrow

Last time I wrote about this "difficult stepchild drama" (the gist of the plot), I was saying "Enough!" to Jennifer Lopez in the lead opposite the great director of The Opposite of Sex and Happy Endings, Don Roos, and my beloved Lisa Kudrow! Turns out Natalie Portman's since taken over in the lead and the world breathes a little lighter today. The title also changed from Love and Other Impossible Pursuits to the chick-lit stylings of 17 Photos of Isabel. Write down that title in your diary next to your drawings of unicorns in love.

Here's one of the first photos of Isabel so far:


Not sure I care to see sixteen more if they're all like that...

(14) Giallo
Director: Dario Argento
Starring: Adrien Brody, Emmanuelle Seigner

My dreams for the final part of his eerie and majestic Three Mothers Trilogy were dashed against the cheaply constructed rocks, but I have an undying love for Dario Argento no matter my ambivalence to his recent efforts. I'm hoping that this one's less a rush job and more of a return to the genre he helped define, as the title would indicate. If The Third Mother gave us anything it was a reminder that Argento will always shatter silly notions of good taste. This plot's "jaundiced psycho on a model hunt" looks to have all the right setup with a promising old-school edge.

But this trailer is stale and bland on dry toast...



Oh well. More in the vein of The Card Player -- which is to say nothing particularly bad, just nothing spectacular either. Argento will still crack this list next year and probably the year after that. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have Dario's career.


(15) The Informers
Director: Gregor Jordan
Co-writer: Bret Easton Ellis
Starring: Mickey Rourke, Winona Ryder, Chris Isaak, Kim Basinger, Brad Renfro

The works of Bret Easton Ellis have a sardonic, ambiguous edge which should score lots of points with you if you're socially detached, bitter, jaded, sarcastic or rude. Since you're still on this site, I'm guessing you're all of those things and should check this movie out. Hey, I'm just the informer...



Plus, how great and bizarre is that cast? Mickey Rourke fresh off his winning lead as The Wrestler, Winona Ryder gracefully and graciously crawling out of the woodwork, and the deceased Brad Renfro (The Client, Apt Pupil, Bully) in his final appearance. This is also Bret Easton Ellis's first time trying his hand at his own novel's adaptation in the wake of two fantastic ones by other authors (American Psycho, The Rules of Attraction). Hopefully he keeps it that much truer to the book's desiccating, eerie and hilariously detached mood.

Or it could turn out something like this:

The Right Man for Winona Ryder

The tabloids have romantically tied Winona Ryder to the likes of Johnny Depp, Tom Green, and that guy from Salute Your Shorts. A downward spiral to be sure, but no match for her cinematic love life. Worrisome indeed when Mr. Deeds gives anyone their happiest ending...

If Winona's unlucky in love, is there hope for any of us?


1988: Winona is tempted via cherry slush into the arms of sociopath Jason Dean. He's socially conscious and highly motivated, and also heavily armed. His attempt to terminate the student population brings them together as quickly as it tears them apart.


But Big Fun while it lasted.

1990: Winona falls for the bad boy yet again, but then his dad IS rich. Never mind that he's Anthony Michael Hall...

Winona is finally tempted astray by her first glimmer of true love -- the one that got away. She has a fantastical fling with a half-man-half-doll named Edward, whose handicap and reclusive tendencies make him an instant outsider and an instant curiosity.


Fittingly their romance blossoms once Edward's accused of stealing. It all ends devastatingly fast with the corpse of Anthony Michael Hall on Edward's front lawn. Hence Edward goes back into hiding, and as for Winona, she turns her eyes to a more socially acceptable man.

Like... God. Winona is "Born Again"... or maybe she's just "Born." Either way her attempts at religious celibacy fizzle rapidly over lustful kisses at church, and the fear that she might be carrying the next Jewish Italian Messiah.

"Please God don't let me fall in love and want to do disgusting things... Dear God, I love the way he throws. "

1991: Winona's tempted back to the dark side with her baddest boy yet. She finally gets her chance at epic, timeless love, and it's with one of the most famous men in the world. The drawback is that he's really, REALLY old, but age and experience have made him infinitely more interesting than Keanu Reeves. Alas, promises of sharing an eternity together mean very little when being staked through the chest.


1994: Drowning her sorrows in flannel and Lisa Loeb, Winona dares to dabble in the dating world again with both Ben Stiller and Ethan Hawke. With Winona we can anticipate the outcome. Ethan and Winona share a special bond over coffee, cigarettes, and unemployment brought on by petty theft.


What's this? A happy ending?! Only in the movies... Well, the movies tampered with by studio execs to score higher with test audiences. Please... Ethan was out the door the minute Winona's gas card maxed out.

2000: In the meantime, Winona's gotten age-old romantic with Daniel Day-Lewis and accused his wife of being a witch -- both ending with some disappointment. What she needs is the comfort of an older man, and Richard Gere will suffice. Their romance ends tragically, and about as quickly as it hit the collective gag reflex.


2007: It's been a long dry patch only further disgraced by the presence of Adam Sandler... But then Winona finally meets the man of her dreams! After all that pining and loss, she finally has her grip on a man whose devotion is as strong as oak. As with her previous great love, Edward, Winona's heart ultimately swells for the gentler sort of man -- and apparently the hand-manufactured one as well.

"I've never felt so alive!"

Winona's right-hand man can literally be worn on her right hand, and his sweet nothings really are just that.

There is hope after all. Here's to Gary and Winona. Long may they last, with a love carved into the ages.