Don't Tempt Me... This is Getting Ridiculous

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#6-10)

#11-15 here / #16-20 here

(6) Whatever Works
Director: Woody Allen
Starring: Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood, Patricia Clarkson, Henry Cavill

Woody Allen's return year after year is a bit like Christmas for me -- a funny, philosophical, adulterous Christmas. Last year's Vicky Cristina Barcelona was a stupendously light and lustful surprise, and my favorite film of the year. With Woody's latest we'll be again seeing Patricia Clarkson turn her two minutes of screen time into another resonant stunner, and she's joined by Woody's neurotic match point, Larry David. The plot's Mighty Aphrodite-vibe links Larry to Evan Rachel Wood for a romantic and comic tryst once he decides to abandon his upper-echelon existence for something more bohemian... and blond. Whatever works, Larry.

And permit me to begin my "Don't Tempt Me 2010" list because Woody's already lined up an awe-inspiring cast for his next (untitled) feature that's definitely what's working for me: Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, Antonio Banderas and Josh Brolin! Swoon.

Evan Rachel wants nothing to do with Larry's banana. If she's anything like me she's holding out for Henry Cavill's.

(7) This Side of the Truth

Director: Ricky Gervais /Matthew Robinson

Starring: Ricky Gervais, Tina Fey, Christopher Guest, Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor

Ricky Gervais is the rare television/film/podcast/standup mastermind whose talents and empire are actually deserving. As a comic genius he's also wise to surround himself with rival comic genius. Christopher Guest! Jason Bateman! Jeffrey Tambor! Tina Fey! No lie, this sounds like comedy heaven. It also acts as a potentially amazing placeholder for the Arrested Development Movie while it's still in development shackles.

In a world where no one ever tells lies, Gervais stars as the first man to exploit dishonesty for financial gain. A boldfaced move on his part that sets off a catastrophic tidal wave of deception and farcical falsehoods. The plot's promising enough on its own, and we already know how Gervais handles playing a socially inept cad. Maybe it's having re-watched The Office and Extras back-to-back, but if God were to come back as a British comic he'd look exactly like this:


Another "Don't Tempt Me 2010" addition: It's actually possible Gervais is working on something even more tempting with The Men at the Pru -- his first feature film collaboration with co-mastermind Stephen Merchant, the man at the side of Ricky's greatest successes. Even our British Comedy Savior needs his man behind the curtain.

(8) Please Give
Director: Nicole Holofcener
Starring: Catherine Keener, Rebecca Hall, Amanda Peet, Kevin Corrigan

Of the female directors working in America, Nicole Holofcener seems one of the most notable and still too unnoticed. Please, someone, give her consistent indie funding, and preferably her own HBO series starring Catherine Keener. If we're ever to believe IMDb, this is the appropriately simple summary to her latest project: In New York City, a husband and wife butt heads with the granddaughters of the elderly woman who lives in apartment the couple owns.

Not so tempting in theory, but with Holofcener's films it's all about those ringing truths and small characteristic tweaks. I should never undersell her either: Friends with Money had Jennifer Aniston smoking weed and stealing vibrators and face cream, plus Frances McDormand refusing to wash her hair. In Holofcener's hands Catherine Keener's also been busted for underage sex with a minor, but as in her tradition of creating relatable scenarios, it was with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Friends with Munchies

Her work on cult faves like Walking and Talking, even episodes for TV classics Six Feet Under and Sex and the City, mark some of the more fully realized female arcs available in modern comedy, and some genuinely whip-smart and funny character pieces in general. Keener continues her collaboration, assuredly sharp as ever. She's joined by Rebecca Hall, who worked some sour/supple magic in Vicky Cristina Barcelona that actually seems in perfect fusion with Holofcener's films.

SO relatable.

(9) Nine
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruz, Daniel Day-Lewis, Sophia Loren, Judi Dench

A stunning cast is setting the stage for Rob Marshall's return to the movie musical post-Chicago. One of the best things about that film was Marshall's successfully cinematic showstoppers, which is perfect considering this film revolves around a filmmaker and the many women revolving through his life. So many promising setups and period style, and the perfection that is this cast. Nicole Kidman's returning to movie musical that treated her so well, alongside Oscar-winning follow-up performances by the mesmerizing Daniel Day-Lewis and Penélope Cruz. Some real razzle dazzle!

Somebody's been good to Mama, because Mama's been good to us!

(10) Nailed
Director: David O. Russell
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Catherine Keener, Jessica Biel, Paul Reubens, Jon Stewart, Kirstie Alley

I don't know if it's due to the abuses inflicted on his cast and crew, but David O. Russell knows great comedy. And since misery loves company, he also knows how to assemble an awesome ensemble. This time his oddball choice of casting Jessica Biel is softened by the blow of a nail to her character's head -- and it's actually a central plot device that sends her character to Washington D.C., dizzy with a cause and into the arms of a willing senator, played by the ever-nailable Jake Gyllenhaal. As Russell's done with I Heart Huckabees and Flirting with Disaster, there's a troupe of underused comic supporters. Among them there's the pleasant coincidence of Jake actually being reunited with his still Lovely & Amazing co-star Catherine Keener after all that nasty police business and him having hit legal age.

SO, SO relatable.

COMING SOON: The 5 Most Tempting Titles of 2009!

Don't Tempt Me... Again

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#11-15)
(#16-20 here)

(Warning: Not sold temptingly.)

(11) King Shot
Director: Alejandro Jodorowsky
Executive Producer: David Lynch
Starring: Nick Nolte, Marilyn Manson, Asia Argento, Udo Kier, David Hess

If you look at that roster and feel nothing, you're at the wrong blog, mister. That's a whole lot of crazy on one crew sheet, and more than enough to make one hell of an interesting movie -- or at the very least a compelling disaster. Looks like cult cinema is about to give birth to a bastard child, and I can't think of anyone better to raise it than Jodorowsky and Lynch; two of the finest of fantastic filmmakers. Their work is supremely cinematic, audacious, ominous and wholly consuming... and little bit fucked up in the very best way. That last bit pretty much sums up that entire cast as well.

This concept art promises.. fun?

(12) The Countess
Director: Julie Delpy
Starring: Julie Delpy, William Hurt, Anamaria Marinca

I love me some Julie Delpy walking around European cities and talking. I'm not averse her to her ritualistically bathing in the blood of virgins either, as apparently she's prone to do now and again. Delpy's so multi-talented that she's playing the lead villainess, directing herself, and scoring the entire film. I'd say she should start her own cosmetics line, but you know those prices would be outrageous...

Countess Bathory had such a ritual in 16th-century Hungary, but such a small price for attaining that youthful glow. It all seems the making for a sinister and salacious costume drama, with some real talent on all sides of the camera... oddly enough all in the form of Julie Delpy.

Maybe she's born with it, but it's not Maybelline.

(13) 17 Photos of Isabel
Director: Don Roos
Starring: Natalie Portman, Lisa Kudrow

Last time I wrote about this "difficult stepchild drama" (the gist of the plot), I was saying "Enough!" to Jennifer Lopez in the lead opposite the great director of The Opposite of Sex and Happy Endings, Don Roos, and my beloved Lisa Kudrow! Turns out Natalie Portman's since taken over in the lead and the world breathes a little lighter today. The title also changed from Love and Other Impossible Pursuits to the chick-lit stylings of 17 Photos of Isabel. Write down that title in your diary next to your drawings of unicorns in love.

Here's one of the first photos of Isabel so far:


Not sure I care to see sixteen more if they're all like that...

(14) Giallo
Director: Dario Argento
Starring: Adrien Brody, Emmanuelle Seigner

My dreams for the final part of his eerie and majestic Three Mothers Trilogy were dashed against the cheaply constructed rocks, but I have an undying love for Dario Argento no matter my ambivalence to his recent efforts. I'm hoping that this one's less a rush job and more of a return to the genre he helped define, as the title would indicate. If The Third Mother gave us anything it was a reminder that Argento will always shatter silly notions of good taste. This plot's "jaundiced psycho on a model hunt" looks to have all the right setup with a promising old-school edge.

But this trailer is stale and bland on dry toast...



Oh well. More in the vein of The Card Player -- which is to say nothing particularly bad, just nothing spectacular either. Argento will still crack this list next year and probably the year after that. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have Dario's career.


(15) The Informers
Director: Gregor Jordan
Co-writer: Bret Easton Ellis
Starring: Mickey Rourke, Winona Ryder, Chris Isaak, Kim Basinger, Brad Renfro

The works of Bret Easton Ellis have a sardonic, ambiguous edge which should score lots of points with you if you're socially detached, bitter, jaded, sarcastic or rude. Since you're still on this site, I'm guessing you're all of those things and should check this movie out. Hey, I'm just the informer...



Plus, how great and bizarre is that cast? Mickey Rourke fresh off his winning lead as The Wrestler, Winona Ryder gracefully and graciously crawling out of the woodwork, and the deceased Brad Renfro (The Client, Apt Pupil, Bully) in his final appearance. This is also Bret Easton Ellis's first time trying his hand at his own novel's adaptation in the wake of two fantastic ones by other authors (American Psycho, The Rules of Attraction). Hopefully he keeps it that much truer to the book's desiccating, eerie and hilariously detached mood.

Or it could turn out something like this:

Don't Tempt Me

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#16-20)

(And for others 2009 temptations check out the countdown happening at Film Experience. Not because I'm participating in it, but because it's probably a lot more informative than anything you'll find here.)

(16) Margaret

Director: Kenneth Lonergan

Starring: Matt Damon, Anna Paquin, Matthew Broderick, Mark Ruffalo, Kieran Culkin

You can't really rely on You Can Count On Me director Kenneth Lonergan. That indie masterpiece debut came all the way back in 2000 and the man hasn't given us a film since. Those are some big shoes to fill a big decade later, but thankfully they're his own shoes so the possibilities are endless.

Lonergan's got Broderick and Ruffalo along for the ride once again. They're joined by Anna Paquin for this tale of a girl's unlucky rendezvous with fate after witnessing a car accident brings her life to a screeching halt. I'm hoping Lonergan's script feels as lived in as it should after all those years in preparation, and if that first film's success is any indication, we'll be getting some really resonant and affecting human drama.

Is everyone on set fucking Matt Damon?

(Top: Bourne Ultimatum, Bottom: Margaret)

Fun (related) Fact: Apparently you can hire any Culkin kid for any event. This time Lonergan's hired Kieran Culkin, instead of lil' Rory Culkin. But that does mean Rory's free for your kid's Bris. Macaulay's probably just at home alone.

(17) Drag Me to Hell

Director: Sam Raimi

Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long

Sam Raimi may have done fanboys well with his Spiderman films, but what about the horror buffs of his gory glory days? Well...(holding back tears) maybe he hasn't forgotten about us...

His latest sounds like a senseless, slapstick slaughterhouse to bring back all the fondest memories of the Evil Dead series. If this one's a success we'll probably see a lot more progress on Evil Dead 4, but it sounds like a great genre entry even without that humble attachment. For one thing it's not a remake and it's not playing on the level of "torture porn" (that phrase is so gratuitously overexposed it's painful). Besides, horror as a whole really needs to find the fun again. Fun like tree rape and corpses filled with milk and creamed corn.

The story is that Ali Lohman has to break a psychic's evil curse after she gives her a bad deal on a bank loan. People react differently in this economy...

(18) Inglourious Basterds

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Brad Pitt (mmm), Eli Roth (...), Maggie Cheung (!), Mike Myers (?)

Given the recent overflow of war movies, Tarantino's might seem less relevant than some, but it will definitely have more explicit violence, camera tricks and Maggie Cheung! This also cements the fact that Brad Pitt has to be the closest thing to a celebrity Jesus. Everyone loves him, including the continent of Africa. Everyone's attracted to him no matter how much they deny it, and he still backs up that whole delicious package with some well-chosen roles and performances. That and he's all over US Weekly.


The synopsis:

"In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers."

A movie theater in Paris? Naturally Tarantino found some way to make self-aware cinema references throughout his war epic, and that's why we love him. He consistently makes memorable cinema that loves memorable cinema. The long gestation on this project speaks of maybe some more personal Tarantino touches and probably some stunning spectacle. How will he top Kill Bill's House of Blue Leaves or Death Proof's rip-roaring car crash? The man's work is impeccable, and until he casts himself in the lead, we'll be just about square.



(19) Brothers
Director: Jim Sheridan

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman

Brothers feud when one goes missing in Afghanistan and the other takes up with his wife. A purple heart won't heal that wound! Sounds a little Legends of the Fall but with, most importantly, Jake Gyllenhaal having sex with things. That's more than enough to merit a spot on this list, and it's far more enticing than his whole excursion to Persia -- not that I won't be along for that trip and every available photo op.


War movies can be a snore, but with Jake and Tobey, I'll be awake for every open-shirt musket wound. They still use muskets, right?

(20) Lovely, Still

Director: Nik Fackler

Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Martin Landau, Elizabeth Banks, Adam Scott

If I'm just being honest... I was on set for this one during filming, and most importantly had Ellen Burstyn take my hand and acknowledge my actual being! I also got to watch her dazzle and dig into character right before my very eyes, and I can tell you first hand that this nuanced performance should be one to watch for and give a second viewing. And you know me, I'm not one to put actors on a pedestal... other than when I do it daily as a blog.

"I have something I've wanted to ask you since the moment we met... Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

This small scale fable follows an elderly grocery sacker (Landau) and his first brush with romance just in time for the holidays. How about a collective "aww..." On any level it should be nice having any new Christmas film not involve dueling neighbors or Tim Allen. It's guaranteed sweetness with a few surprises along the way -- and has Ellen Burstyn ever shaken your hand and called you "Adam?" Didn't think so.


Fun (bitter) fact: Originally the supporting cast was said to be comprised of Paul Rudd and Winona Ryder! I would have orgasmically imploded on that set and thus they were replaced with Adam Scott and Elizabeth Banks. They're lovely too... but still.