Mass for Cinephile Shut-Ins: Part Three

Let us commune over all this vague pre-publicity so as to garner faith and hope for a bright cinematic future. And let us also pass invalid judgment.

This is Part Three.

The secret word of the day is: dysfunction.

Life During Wartime

directed and written by: Todd Solondz

starring: Charlotte Rampling, Allison Janney, Paul Reubens, Shirley Henderson, Ciaran Hinds, Ally Sheedy

Basically: Following the events of 1998's Happiness, family man and pedophile Bill is released from prison and faced with the monumental task of forgiveness.

And We Should Care Because: Todd Solondz knows that misery loves company, and that we the company love laughing uncomfortably alongside it. His last feature Palindromes was similarly a "pseudo-sequel" to his breakthrough Welcome to the Dollhouse, and still managed to take its own oddball and disturbing (ie. hysterical) routes. A new ensemble takes up the varied roles from Happiness, such as Ciaran Hinds re-imagining the part that Dylan Baker made infamous as the dad who subscribes to "family first" ideals and "Teen Beat" magazine. Advanced word has been mixed, but somewhat more favorable than Palindromes and his vastly underrated Storytelling. Though it seems more devoted Solondz fans find plenty to laugh at and feel bad about later, calling it a notable meditation on family and forgiveness.

Status: Can't Miss

Jake Gyllenhaal IS a drug

that fights erectile dysfunction.

Love and Other Drugs

directed by: Edward Zwick

written by: Marshall Herskowitz, Edward Zwick, Charles Randolph, Jamie Reidy (novel)

starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway, Hank Azaria, Oliver Platt

Basically: The competitive world of pharmaceuticals brings together a salesman for erectile dysfunction with a woman suffering Parkinson's disease and her Prozac-peddling man on the side.

And We Should Care Because: It's a Brokeback Mountain reunion for Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway in this story of power plays in the bedroom and the world of prescription drugs (they never were mutually exclusive). This comedic satire is based on Jamie Reidy's memoir "The Hard Sell" and looks to take on a deceitful industry with a lighter touch, although director Ed Zwick was behind the political thriller and wedding industry nightmare, Blood Diamond. In fact before partners Zwick and Marshall Herskowitz took to pill-popping tales of political hire, they were behind TV classics thirtysomething and My So-Called Life, so it's fair to assume they can handle both sides of the comedy/drama balance (you know Jordan Catalano would be prescribed Adderall if that show were now in production). Beyond that the talk show circuit has given Jake Gyllenhaal many a fruitful discussion of wearing "cock socks" on set, which should test many a Viagra prescription.

Status: Curious

A sunny disposition and other impossible pursuits.

Love and Other Impossible Pursuits

directed by: Don Roos

written by: Don Roos, Ayelet Waldman (novel)

starring: Natalie Portman, Lisa Kudrow, Lauren Ambrose, Scott Cohen

Basically: A troublesome bond with her stepson helps a woman overcome a traumatic loss.

And We Should Care Because: When I last wrote on this film it had the chick-lit diary title 17 Photos of Isabel, and before that Jennifer Lopez was set to star. Dire news that was making this project almost impossible to pursue. Thankfully things seem to be coming together for the latest from writer/director Don Roos, mastermind behind The Opposite of Sex and the always undervalued Happy Endings. Lopez has been graciously replaced with Natalie Portman, Lauren Ambrose is lending her charms, and the true muse of Don Roos, Lisa Kudrow, should guarantee plenty of sardonic strength and support. The film's tone, based on Ayelet Waldman's novel, looks to be more melodramatic and teary-eyed than usual for Roos, possibly playing more to the moods of his plane crash romance, Bounce. It might not be worth all this pursuit, but I still love Lisa Kudrow.

Status: Curious

Money can't buy happiness,

but surely a criminal defense lawyer.

Lucky

directed by: Gil Cates Jr.

written by: Kent Sublette

starring: Colin Hanks, Ari Graynor, Ann-Margret, Jeffrey Tambor

Basically: A serial killer's luck cashes in when he wins the lottery and finally has an in with the girl of his dreams.

And We Should Care Because: So I worked on the (amazing) crew. So I made the wrong kind of tea for Ann-Margret. So promoting this film seems like a cheap, false ploy. Not so! I'm lucky enough to really believe that the film has all the potential in the world, with a uniquely sick, sweet and satirical tone, and a cast more than ready for the challenge. Colin Hanks seems perfect for the part -- he is suspiciously normal with a dark comic streak. And Ari Graynor (Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Whip It, Youth in Revolt) is more than deserving of a showcase with the screentime to match her stellar comedic chops. Then there's the likes of legendary and lovable Ann-Margret as Hank's mother, and Jeffrey Tambor's more serious side. All great people to boot. Don't take my word for it, but your odds are infinitely better than winning the lottery.

Status: Can't Miss

First Michelle Williams lost her dog, Lucy.

Now she's lost the entire Oregon Trail.

Meek's Cutoff

directed by: Kelly Reichardt

written by: Jon Raymond

starring: Michelle Williams, Paul Dano, Bruce Greenwood, Shirley Henderson

Basically: Three families attempt crossing the Cascade Mountains in 1845 with the help of their guide, Stephen Meeks, whose shortcuts leads them onto a path of desolation, until they meet a Native American wanderer.

And We Should Care Because: Kelly Reichardt's last feature, Wendy and Lucy, used sparseness and subtlety to gain surprising emotional heft, also displaying the nuanced talents of Michelle Williams in the lead. Old Joy likewise found in Reichardt a talent for blending vivid, real world environments with impactful character arcs. This period piece set upon the Oregon Trail similarly takes on a tale of drifters, and of human nature at a cross with the natural landscape. She has a skill for crafting small, personal films that bring about remarkable implications of much greater scale (Wendy and Lucy's lost dog walks with the immense weight of homelessness, poverty and a wayward American dream). Let Kelly Reichardt be our guide. Guaranteed there will be no desolate shortcuts.

Status: Can't Miss

No souls left to take after

the Twilight franchise...

My Soul to Take

directed and written by: Wes Craven

starring: Shareeka Epps, Max Thieriot, Nick Lashaway, Denzel Whitaker

Basically: A town's legendary serial killer vows to return and kill the seven children born on the day of his death. Sixteen years later the murders commence. Is one of the children responsible, or has the killer made his supernatural return?

And We Should Care Because: Wes Craven's last attempt to write and direct yielded the savvy series highlight and Freddy reinvention, Wes Craven's New Nightmare -- an underrated display of Craven's talent for witty and innovative premise with a signature dark streak. Since then Craven has receded to directorial gigs to the smashing success of Scream and the dismal failures of the studio-hacked, ironically named Cursed, and inevitably declining sequels like Scream 3. True to Craven's career though he's made a genre classic for every mediocre effort, but his auteur works are often his most memorable (The Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, A Nightmare on Elm Street). His premise here recalls both his Nightmare glory days and... Shocker. Things could fall either way. Anybody want to bet these kids use boobytraps to fight their killer? It worked for Nancy Thompson, the Collingwood parents and the Carter Clan. Let's hope it gives us what the Nightmare remake inevitably won't: genuine horror that's genuinely creative.

Status: Curious

Part Four soon!

Mia Meta Man

"I just met a wonderful new man. He's fictional but you can't have everything."

-The Purple Rose of Cairo

(Does this mean I have to sit through Prince of Persia fifteen times?)

Don't Tempt Me... This is Getting Ridiculous

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#6-10)

#11-15 here / #16-20 here

(6) Whatever Works
Director: Woody Allen
Starring: Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood, Patricia Clarkson, Henry Cavill

Woody Allen's return year after year is a bit like Christmas for me -- a funny, philosophical, adulterous Christmas. Last year's Vicky Cristina Barcelona was a stupendously light and lustful surprise, and my favorite film of the year. With Woody's latest we'll be again seeing Patricia Clarkson turn her two minutes of screen time into another resonant stunner, and she's joined by Woody's neurotic match point, Larry David. The plot's Mighty Aphrodite-vibe links Larry to Evan Rachel Wood for a romantic and comic tryst once he decides to abandon his upper-echelon existence for something more bohemian... and blond. Whatever works, Larry.

And permit me to begin my "Don't Tempt Me 2010" list because Woody's already lined up an awe-inspiring cast for his next (untitled) feature that's definitely what's working for me: Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, Antonio Banderas and Josh Brolin! Swoon.

Evan Rachel wants nothing to do with Larry's banana. If she's anything like me she's holding out for Henry Cavill's.

(7) This Side of the Truth

Director: Ricky Gervais /Matthew Robinson

Starring: Ricky Gervais, Tina Fey, Christopher Guest, Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor

Ricky Gervais is the rare television/film/podcast/standup mastermind whose talents and empire are actually deserving. As a comic genius he's also wise to surround himself with rival comic genius. Christopher Guest! Jason Bateman! Jeffrey Tambor! Tina Fey! No lie, this sounds like comedy heaven. It also acts as a potentially amazing placeholder for the Arrested Development Movie while it's still in development shackles.

In a world where no one ever tells lies, Gervais stars as the first man to exploit dishonesty for financial gain. A boldfaced move on his part that sets off a catastrophic tidal wave of deception and farcical falsehoods. The plot's promising enough on its own, and we already know how Gervais handles playing a socially inept cad. Maybe it's having re-watched The Office and Extras back-to-back, but if God were to come back as a British comic he'd look exactly like this:


Another "Don't Tempt Me 2010" addition: It's actually possible Gervais is working on something even more tempting with The Men at the Pru -- his first feature film collaboration with co-mastermind Stephen Merchant, the man at the side of Ricky's greatest successes. Even our British Comedy Savior needs his man behind the curtain.

(8) Please Give
Director: Nicole Holofcener
Starring: Catherine Keener, Rebecca Hall, Amanda Peet, Kevin Corrigan

Of the female directors working in America, Nicole Holofcener seems one of the most notable and still too unnoticed. Please, someone, give her consistent indie funding, and preferably her own HBO series starring Catherine Keener. If we're ever to believe IMDb, this is the appropriately simple summary to her latest project: In New York City, a husband and wife butt heads with the granddaughters of the elderly woman who lives in apartment the couple owns.

Not so tempting in theory, but with Holofcener's films it's all about those ringing truths and small characteristic tweaks. I should never undersell her either: Friends with Money had Jennifer Aniston smoking weed and stealing vibrators and face cream, plus Frances McDormand refusing to wash her hair. In Holofcener's hands Catherine Keener's also been busted for underage sex with a minor, but as in her tradition of creating relatable scenarios, it was with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Friends with Munchies

Her work on cult faves like Walking and Talking, even episodes for TV classics Six Feet Under and Sex and the City, mark some of the more fully realized female arcs available in modern comedy, and some genuinely whip-smart and funny character pieces in general. Keener continues her collaboration, assuredly sharp as ever. She's joined by Rebecca Hall, who worked some sour/supple magic in Vicky Cristina Barcelona that actually seems in perfect fusion with Holofcener's films.

SO relatable.

(9) Nine
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruz, Daniel Day-Lewis, Sophia Loren, Judi Dench

A stunning cast is setting the stage for Rob Marshall's return to the movie musical post-Chicago. One of the best things about that film was Marshall's successfully cinematic showstoppers, which is perfect considering this film revolves around a filmmaker and the many women revolving through his life. So many promising setups and period style, and the perfection that is this cast. Nicole Kidman's returning to movie musical that treated her so well, alongside Oscar-winning follow-up performances by the mesmerizing Daniel Day-Lewis and Penélope Cruz. Some real razzle dazzle!

Somebody's been good to Mama, because Mama's been good to us!

(10) Nailed
Director: David O. Russell
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Catherine Keener, Jessica Biel, Paul Reubens, Jon Stewart, Kirstie Alley

I don't know if it's due to the abuses inflicted on his cast and crew, but David O. Russell knows great comedy. And since misery loves company, he also knows how to assemble an awesome ensemble. This time his oddball choice of casting Jessica Biel is softened by the blow of a nail to her character's head -- and it's actually a central plot device that sends her character to Washington D.C., dizzy with a cause and into the arms of a willing senator, played by the ever-nailable Jake Gyllenhaal. As Russell's done with I Heart Huckabees and Flirting with Disaster, there's a troupe of underused comic supporters. Among them there's the pleasant coincidence of Jake actually being reunited with his still Lovely & Amazing co-star Catherine Keener after all that nasty police business and him having hit legal age.

SO, SO relatable.

COMING SOON: The 5 Most Tempting Titles of 2009!

Don't Tempt Me

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#16-20)

(And for others 2009 temptations check out the countdown happening at Film Experience. Not because I'm participating in it, but because it's probably a lot more informative than anything you'll find here.)

(16) Margaret

Director: Kenneth Lonergan

Starring: Matt Damon, Anna Paquin, Matthew Broderick, Mark Ruffalo, Kieran Culkin

You can't really rely on You Can Count On Me director Kenneth Lonergan. That indie masterpiece debut came all the way back in 2000 and the man hasn't given us a film since. Those are some big shoes to fill a big decade later, but thankfully they're his own shoes so the possibilities are endless.

Lonergan's got Broderick and Ruffalo along for the ride once again. They're joined by Anna Paquin for this tale of a girl's unlucky rendezvous with fate after witnessing a car accident brings her life to a screeching halt. I'm hoping Lonergan's script feels as lived in as it should after all those years in preparation, and if that first film's success is any indication, we'll be getting some really resonant and affecting human drama.

Is everyone on set fucking Matt Damon?

(Top: Bourne Ultimatum, Bottom: Margaret)

Fun (related) Fact: Apparently you can hire any Culkin kid for any event. This time Lonergan's hired Kieran Culkin, instead of lil' Rory Culkin. But that does mean Rory's free for your kid's Bris. Macaulay's probably just at home alone.

(17) Drag Me to Hell

Director: Sam Raimi

Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long

Sam Raimi may have done fanboys well with his Spiderman films, but what about the horror buffs of his gory glory days? Well...(holding back tears) maybe he hasn't forgotten about us...

His latest sounds like a senseless, slapstick slaughterhouse to bring back all the fondest memories of the Evil Dead series. If this one's a success we'll probably see a lot more progress on Evil Dead 4, but it sounds like a great genre entry even without that humble attachment. For one thing it's not a remake and it's not playing on the level of "torture porn" (that phrase is so gratuitously overexposed it's painful). Besides, horror as a whole really needs to find the fun again. Fun like tree rape and corpses filled with milk and creamed corn.

The story is that Ali Lohman has to break a psychic's evil curse after she gives her a bad deal on a bank loan. People react differently in this economy...

(18) Inglourious Basterds

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Brad Pitt (mmm), Eli Roth (...), Maggie Cheung (!), Mike Myers (?)

Given the recent overflow of war movies, Tarantino's might seem less relevant than some, but it will definitely have more explicit violence, camera tricks and Maggie Cheung! This also cements the fact that Brad Pitt has to be the closest thing to a celebrity Jesus. Everyone loves him, including the continent of Africa. Everyone's attracted to him no matter how much they deny it, and he still backs up that whole delicious package with some well-chosen roles and performances. That and he's all over US Weekly.


The synopsis:

"In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers."

A movie theater in Paris? Naturally Tarantino found some way to make self-aware cinema references throughout his war epic, and that's why we love him. He consistently makes memorable cinema that loves memorable cinema. The long gestation on this project speaks of maybe some more personal Tarantino touches and probably some stunning spectacle. How will he top Kill Bill's House of Blue Leaves or Death Proof's rip-roaring car crash? The man's work is impeccable, and until he casts himself in the lead, we'll be just about square.



(19) Brothers
Director: Jim Sheridan

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman

Brothers feud when one goes missing in Afghanistan and the other takes up with his wife. A purple heart won't heal that wound! Sounds a little Legends of the Fall but with, most importantly, Jake Gyllenhaal having sex with things. That's more than enough to merit a spot on this list, and it's far more enticing than his whole excursion to Persia -- not that I won't be along for that trip and every available photo op.


War movies can be a snore, but with Jake and Tobey, I'll be awake for every open-shirt musket wound. They still use muskets, right?

(20) Lovely, Still

Director: Nik Fackler

Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Martin Landau, Elizabeth Banks, Adam Scott

If I'm just being honest... I was on set for this one during filming, and most importantly had Ellen Burstyn take my hand and acknowledge my actual being! I also got to watch her dazzle and dig into character right before my very eyes, and I can tell you first hand that this nuanced performance should be one to watch for and give a second viewing. And you know me, I'm not one to put actors on a pedestal... other than when I do it daily as a blog.

"I have something I've wanted to ask you since the moment we met... Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

This small scale fable follows an elderly grocery sacker (Landau) and his first brush with romance just in time for the holidays. How about a collective "aww..." On any level it should be nice having any new Christmas film not involve dueling neighbors or Tim Allen. It's guaranteed sweetness with a few surprises along the way -- and has Ellen Burstyn ever shaken your hand and called you "Adam?" Didn't think so.


Fun (bitter) fact: Originally the supporting cast was said to be comprised of Paul Rudd and Winona Ryder! I would have orgasmically imploded on that set and thus they were replaced with Adam Scott and Elizabeth Banks. They're lovely too... but still.

Stocking Stuffers

This Christmas Eve: clear the chimney, prep the stockings, and set out some protein shakes... It's Santa's turn to sit on your lap!



It truly is the most wonderful time of the year. A (very PC) Happy Holidays to you and yours!

I'd like to send a special yuletide thanks to Nathaniel at Film Experience for graciously letting me spout off on his fantastic blog.

I saw Nat kissing Santa Clause! Lucky bastard...

2009 and Beyond the Infinite: Part 1

These are features to look forward to in 2009 and beyond; a few that could very well never see the light of day, but the filmmakers persist to taunt us anyhow. In no particular order, I give you a look into the future...

The Countess
Release: 2009
Director: Julie Delpy

She's given up on walking around foreign cities talking about love and taken up bathing in the blood of virgins. After last year's underrated 2 Days in Paris, Julie Delpy, the truly stunning actress, director and musician, is taking the reins on the historical horror feature The Countess. The film details the true story of Countess Elizabeth Bathory in 16th century Hungary, whose beauty regimen was... shall we say... strict? Use it or lose it, ladies! The (suspiciously) beautiful Delpy will we playing the sinister Countess alongside co-stars William Hurt and Anamaria Marinca, who gave us a stirring turn in last years 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days. A very vague teaser trailer here.

"It's the Countess! Quick, pretend you're a slut!"

Broken Embraces
Release: 2009
Director: Pedro Almodóvar

Penelopé Cruz is on a hot streak that looks to continue in her fourth collaboration with the ever-brilliant Pedro Almodóvar. The story concerns an accident on the island of Lanzarote, the filming of a comedy in the vein of Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, and presumably some broken embraces. Any more details would ruin the film's guaranteed pleasures. Rossy de Palma, Blanco Portillo and Chus Lampreave also continue their partnerships in what Almodóvar promises to be his most "novel-like" film to date, and one a bit darker in tone than the previous Volver. Is there any way this one could fail? I'll answer for you. No.

Hugging time is over!

Fruitcake
Release: 2009 (?)
Director: John Waters

Not since Dawn Davenport got cheated of her cha-cha heels has Christmas sounded this deliciously warped. John Waters directs his first "children's film," as if that's not enough to make parents already mortified. It's the tale of Fruitcake, a boy who runs away from home during the holidays when his family is caught shoplifting meat in that true Baltimore style. Divine would be so proud... Fruitcake teams up with another young girl, raised by her two gay fathers, who's gone in search of her birth mother. It sounds subversive, potentially scandalous, and with just a dose of Hairspray-like sweetness. Waters last few films have been arguably mixed efforts, but his pairing with the great comedic talents of Parker Posey should prove, umm... fruitful? Oh how I missed you John Waters. Where else can I expect to see a parent call their child an asshole for my amusement?

"I hate you, I hate this house, and I hate Christmas!"

Giallo
Release: 2009
Director: Dario Argento

So while the slightly camp charm of his seventies classics has morphed into camp excess, a new Dario Argento film's always worth a look. For his follow-up to the divisive The Third Mother, he's going back to the basics and referencing the very genre he helped to define in his debut The Bird with the Crystal Plumage. The film's title Giallo comes from the Italian murder-mystery genre and, well, the Italian word for "yellow." It's also the nickname of a murderer with yellowed skin who's knocking off Milan's most beautiful models. As you can probably guess, the police inspector is missing that one crucial clue that could lead him to the killer. Well that yellow-skinned killer has some unnerving cheese potential (that draws upon my painful memories of the dreadful Black Xmas), but if Argento's screenplay is tight enough for him to focus on the visual magic, this concept is right up his alley. Vincent Gallo sadly dropped out because of past ties to the director's daughter, Asia Argento, who has also since left the project. Still on board are Adrien Brody and Emmanuelle Seigner, which seems promising given the criticism usually directed toward performances in his films. But please, Dario, no more CGI. Jaundice and CGI is just too much for this fan to handle.

"No comment?"

Nailed
Release: 2009
Director: David O. Russell

My Gyllenhaal withdrawal will not be sustained by a video game adaptation, no matter how shirtless he is or how many times I angrily view it. Only the notoriously difficult director of Flirting with Disaster and I Heart Huckabees can give me my fix. Taking time off from being strangled by George Clooney and calling Lily Tomlin a cunt, David O. Russell's been struggling to get this film completed due to a bevy of financing disruptions and yet another actor dispute, this time with James Caan over choking on a cookie. The plot concerns a waitress (Jessica Biel) who gets a nail lodged in her forehead, causing her to become a total nymphomaniac. (Where was 7th Heaven with that plot?) The accident leads her to Washington and into the hands of a willing and clueless senator (Jake Gyllenhaal). To top it all off, it's also time for Jake's reunion with the Lovely & Amazing Catherine Keener! He's legal now, Catherine, but you best stand in line. You too, Dustin Hoffman!

He uses that tired Huckabees line: "It'll all come back to you and interconnection."

Untitled Nicole Holofcener Project
Release: 2009 (?)
Director: Nicole Holofcener

Speaking of Lovely & Amazing, am I the only one who absolutely loves the indie charms of Nicole Holofcener? This will be her fourth directorial outing (including Walking and Talking and Friends with Money) and fourth time wisely casting Catherine Keener, whose sly comic wonder melds so perfectly with Holofcener's sharp dialogue. The plot is summed up as "lives and relationships in a New York apartment building," and odds are that's exactly what we'll get. The pleasures come in the form of perceptively nuanced characters and their witty, uncomfortable exchanges I'm sure. Keener's joined by Amanda Peet, Kevin Corrigan and Rebecca Hall, who's especially enticing after her conflicted performance in this year's Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Viva la female auteurs!

Seriously, Keener...

Part 2 coming soon.

Ang Lee and the Negative Zone

"To find yourself in the negative zone, as the Fantastic Four often do, means that all everyday assumptions are inverted. Even the invisible girl herself becomes visible and so she loses the last semblance of her power. It seems to me that everyone exists partially on a negative zone level, some people more than others. In your life it's kind of like you dip in and out of it: a place where things don't work out quite the way they should. But for some people, there's something about the negative zone that tempts them and they end up going in -- going in all the way."

This quote from The Ice Storm sums up its many repressed, longing and confused characters. It also works as the conflicted core to many of Ang Lee's accomplished films. Each tragic figure is tempted by something that would ideally lead them closer to some kind of happiness, be that true love or self-realization. At first it seems as though the world would never allow it, but eventually the world opens up and makes it possible, and ultimately it's the individual that refuses it or accepts it only moments too late.

How true to life... How depressing, gorgeously shot, and true to life...

Happy Wednesday!

"Just put your cigarette out on Juno..."

or, Recent Viewings and the Studio Standstill


It seems every movie I'm curious to see of late is being held up from release. By the time I actually see it, there's usually a clear reason why. Two pretty recent examples: An American Crime and Southland Tales. Both films are plagued by plots that I assume are deemed unappealing to the mainstream; packaged in confusion, lengthy runtimes, or a general feel bad vibe. That or we can blame it on two of Sean William Scott in the same movie. It begs the question, what's at all worse about these films than any on the summer movie slate? And why do studios insist on limiting their film's possibilities?

Maybe I've answered my own questions. Just see An American Crime.

Catherine Keener's so good, she makes abusing other people's children seem thoughtful and compelling. She can scream "prostitute" with such nuance. And Ellen Page turns on the sweet innocence so that you forget Juno's sass mouth and forgive her for introducing "honest to blog" into people's vocabulary. This grim true story is about a mentally ill mother, Gertrude Baniszewski (Keener), who babysits and batters a young girl (Page), all the while inviting friends and family to join in. Happy late Mother's Day, Ms. Baniszewski!


This is fascinating, nasty stuff on a true crime level, yet it's stuffed into obvious narrative convention. Voice overs, court testimonies, ghostly flashbacks... it's all a bit stiff in its presentation. It's not heavy arthouse drama by any means, though it would have benefited from that kind of angle. Let's face it though, the masses don't want to see the breakthrough starlet that just warmed their hearts get branded and beaten into submission. The masses don't, but apparently I do. I'm disturbed, and Catherine Keener can kick any child for my hard earned cash.

I still don't understand why a studio couldn't sell it as a well-acted horror film, or base its publicity on the fresh young Oscar nominee in the lead? Perhaps I might become a marketing executive so I can get more people to see depressing films under false pretenses...

And then there's a film like Southland Tales, which I think could have easily gotten a bigger rollout. Not because it deserves it, but because it seems destined to have found an audience if marketed properly. It's overlong, it got bad buzz at Cannes, but that doesn't halt a hit as we all know. Hold out for the summer and advertise ad nauseam. The Rock somehow still has fans, so does Justin Timberlake, and Richard Kelley's debut Donnie Darko has an almost baffling cult following to build on. Alas, Southland Tales will have to follow suit with home video success. If only it were one-eighth as good a film as Donnie Darko... Maybe it's my Gyllenhaal withdrawal talking.


The words "ambitious" and "mess" got tossed around a lot in its weekend-long release, and oh how right they were. Southland Tales is like Terry Gilliam's Brazil, if it were tacky and populated by the cast of SNL. It understandably got the green light because of its bankable cast, but it's bogglingly excessive, distancing and distracted. Hip, current satire put through an MTV blender and sprinkled with bad LSD. Still, that even ups my surprise as to why this didn't get more studio backing. It's as visually propelled as something like Speed Racer and ripe for nerdy forum discussions. Plus, for those that actually do enjoy it, there's plenty to feast on for a second viewing. Does that mean the geek fanboy crowds have resigned themselves to online downloads and video-on-demand? I guess that was the case for this Buffy freak, so I shouldn't pass the blame. Southland Tales has its share of honest laughs, visual panache and innovative ideas, but calling it a success seems like picking those bits out of a massive scrap heap.

My proof of its merits will come in a collective of words and wisdom from Sarah Michelle Gellar as porn entrepreneur Krysta Now. She's reason enough to give this whopping blunder a watch. Had the studios put these gems in their trailer, they might have had a hit on their hands.

"Can I tell you a secret? I'm fucking a very large and important man."

"Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted."

"We're a bisexual nation living in denial. All because of a bunch of nerds. A bunch of nerds who got off a boat in the fifteenth century and decided that sex was something to be ashamed of. All the Pilgrims did was ruin the American Indian orgy of freedom."

"Violence is a big problem in our society today and I will not support it. That is the primary reason why I won't do anal."