Skin Flicks

Ironically the noticeable omission here is John Waters, only because these are from his own Cecil B. Demented. Other absentee auteurs: Kubrick, von Trier, Argento...

Who else has the body of art to deserve body art?

Discuss...

Profiles in Greatness: Beverly R. Sutphin

BEVERLY R. SUTPHIN

in
John Waters' SERIAL MOM (1994)

"The only 'serial' I know anything about is Rice Krispies!"

LIKES...

• Family
• Manners and etiquette
• Harassing phone calls

"Is this 4-2-1-5 Pussy Way?
Now let me check the zip code:
2-1-2-Fuck you?!"

• Barry Manilow (seminal single: "Daybreak")
• Cult classic Blood Feast
• Bird watching

"Officers, life doesn't have to be ugly.

Look at the birds out there...
Listen to their call.
Whoo-ee! Whoo-ee! Whoo-ee!"

• Dental hygiene
• Socially conscious murder (see: wholesome homicide)
  
• Recycling

"I have told her and told her.
It takes ninety to a hundred years
for a tin can to decompose...
And she STILL won't recycle."

• Pussywillows
  
• Collectibles
• Charles Manson

DISLIKES...

• Flies
• Gnats
• Dottie Hinkle

• Be kind, always rewind (your VHS rentals of Ghost Dad and Annie)
• "Premiere" Magazine

"I don't like to read about movies. They're SO violent."

• The cable TV company ("You know how THEY are.")
• Gum ("Misty, you know how I hate gum. All that chomping and chewing...")

• "Shit!" ("Chip, you know how I hate the brown word.")
• Not buckling up ("You know for somebody who doesn't wear his seat belt, Scotty sure is nosy.")
• Fashion faux pas

This Labor Day week we remember Beverly Sutphin, suburban mother at large. May we also heed her advice that, NO, fashion HASN'T changed. Much like Suzanne Somers, fashion takes it step by step, day by day...

Previous PROFILES IN GREATNESS:

Jessie Todd and Male Hustlers

UR So Gay and You Don't Even Like Online Polls

AfterElton just released the results of their "Fifty Greatest Gay Movies" poll. Naturally a list like this is never worth much more than curiosity -- the same as with any poll summing up cinematic history. It's pretty much a "name fifty gay movies you can find at Blockbuster" list, but that's not to discount the many absolute gems that made it. It will come as no surprise that Brokeback Mountain took top honors, and I must say it would rank there or nearby on my personal list. The fact that it's followed so closely by 2007's Shelter is another matter -- a commendable film no doubt, but clearly a win based on recent memory rather than sheer brilliance. Also, how cringe worthy that there's more viewers in love with Another Gay Movie and The Birdcage than there are My Own Private Idaho!

Here are five films that didn't crack the list and that are just too astounding to pass by. You may not find them at Blockbuster, but this is the age of Netflix and internet piracy, so queue it or steal it. Better yet, buy them with money you've earned by returning your copy of Another Gay Movie.

Come Undone
(Presque Rien)

If there must be a coming out film on this list, it best be from the French. No preaching, no shouting matches, and no falsely sentimental endings. Come Undone is all about the mood of self discovery and conflicted first love. For Mathieu (Jérémie Elkaim) it becomes an issue of finding himself amidst his desires for the more open Cédric (Stéphane Rideau), as well as some troubling family drama. But drama is hardly the focus in this film, in fact it largely avoids those big moments in pursuit of something far more subdued and atmospheric. The official "coming out scene" is so passingly subtle that it exists merely as a stage of Mathieu's often dark emotional transition. It contrasts well with the sunlit warmth of his escalating feelings for Cédric and their exploratory summer romance. Talented director Sébastien Lifshitz cuts between these two tones to form an ambiguity very much in keeping with Mathieu's internal struggle. Compared to most American fare it's quite sparse and ambient, and that's precisely what gives the film its naturalism. Equal to that is the film's frank sexuality, especially notable in a scene where Mathieu and Cédric take to each other passionately in the dunes. Stéphane Rideau is a wonderfully sexy presence here as well, making the swooning desire all the more palpable.

Law of Desire
(La Ley del deseo)

Pedro Almodóvar's equally masterful Bad Education did manage to get honored, but this less available film from the gay Spanish auteur officially cemented his place in queer cinema. Part of the charm of Bad Education is the reflexive nature of Almodóvar's work, and this film acts as somewhat of a precursor to that. The story follows queer director Pablo Quintero (Eusebio Poncela) as he becomes the object of desire for a young fan, Antonio Benítez, played by a smoldering Antonio Banderas. Antonio's endearing nature and inexperience has Pablo quickly warming to him, but Antonio's intense feelings of first love mean taking drastic measures when he finds that Pablo has eyes for someone else. Almodóvar shows his usual talent for rich, unusual love stories and passionate, involving characters. The plot turns are nothing revelatory, but the motivations and complications are effortlessly thoughtful and compelling. It's beautiful work on all fronts, even taking in a notably progressive transgender character, played to perfection by Almodóvar regular Carmen Maura.

Happy Together
(Chu gwong cha sit)

Lai Yiu-fai (Tony Leung) and Ho Po-wing (Leslie Cheung) are off and on lovers whose worlds constantly converge and break away in this beautiful and expressive film from Wong Kar Wai, who knows a thing or two about sensuous romance. Kar Wai uses a unique process as a director in which he lets the story evolve and change completely during filming. It allows him to find the greatest truth in his characters and their relationships to form naturally. The outcome is as much a surprise to him as it is to the audience, and perhaps that's why this love story feels so honest and so innovative. Yiu-fai and Po-wing aren't the typical couple cinematically speaking, but their constant battling crossed with their invested need for one another is very typical of real life couples. Happy Together is gorgeous, organic and longing in a way so few relationship films are, especially ones that just happen to be about two men.

"I worry that you'll work in an office, have children, celebrate wedding anniversaries... The world of a heterosexual is a sick and boring life!"

Female Trouble

It's scandalous that not one John Waters movie cracked the list! I'm hoping it's that none of his films are overtly about gay relationships and not that gay audiences haven't sought out his work. Pink Flamingos and Female Trouble are two of his most raucous and reprehensible masterpieces, and Waters influence on queer and underground cinema must be acknowledged. He manages to make absolutely everything subversive, including having drag queen Divine play both the naughty Dawn Davenport and her repugnant rapist. Likewise there's the lovable Aunt Ida (played by the incomparable Edith Massey) persistently urging her nephew to stop being straight, "Queers are just better. I'd be so proud if you was a fag and had a nice beautician boyfriend. I'd never have to worry!" It's hilarious and refreshingly unfiltered. Being crude is one thing, but Waters has the wit to back it up.

Fox and His Friends
(Faustrecht der Freiheit)

Rainer Werner Fassbinder always tackles complex characters and socially relevant themes, and this one is an especially powerful cautionary tale starring Fassbinder himself in the lead. He plays Franz Bieberkopf, nicknamed 'Fox', a gay carnival worker whose desire to transcend his station ultimately pushes him lower than ever before. Fox buys lottery tickets in hopes of making it big, especially since he has to steal or borrow just to get money for the ticket. A chance encounter leads him into the arms of some wealthy and elite gay men who happily feed off Fox once his luck finally cashes in. For a 1975 release date it's a remarkably rounded portrayal of gay characters, both good and bad, which is an immense rarity even for modern releases.



Also missing from the list, perhaps not surprisingly, were any documentaries of value to gay audiences. Upon finally sitting down with The Times of Harvey Milk this last week, I was astounded at just how moving and impactful the life of this legendary activist still is. Harvey Milk's legacy will soon come into focus once again with Gus Van Sant's biopic Milk, but it would be a difficult feat to match this documentary, which will light a fire in the heart of anyone passionate about gay rights.

Additionally, there was no mention of The Celluloid Closet, which gives a worthwhile look at gay cinematic history. I'm actually partial to this compilation I found online called The Lavender Lens. It forms its narrative solely through the editing and takes us through gay representation since the beginning of cinema with clips that are surprising, funny and often unbelievable. A must see.

Get to watching these now if you haven't already had the pleasure. And if you have, write up your own list bitching about the great gay films left off mine.

2009 and Beyond the Infinite: Part 1

These are features to look forward to in 2009 and beyond; a few that could very well never see the light of day, but the filmmakers persist to taunt us anyhow. In no particular order, I give you a look into the future...

The Countess
Release: 2009
Director: Julie Delpy

She's given up on walking around foreign cities talking about love and taken up bathing in the blood of virgins. After last year's underrated 2 Days in Paris, Julie Delpy, the truly stunning actress, director and musician, is taking the reins on the historical horror feature The Countess. The film details the true story of Countess Elizabeth Bathory in 16th century Hungary, whose beauty regimen was... shall we say... strict? Use it or lose it, ladies! The (suspiciously) beautiful Delpy will we playing the sinister Countess alongside co-stars William Hurt and Anamaria Marinca, who gave us a stirring turn in last years 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days. A very vague teaser trailer here.

"It's the Countess! Quick, pretend you're a slut!"

Broken Embraces
Release: 2009
Director: Pedro Almodóvar

Penelopé Cruz is on a hot streak that looks to continue in her fourth collaboration with the ever-brilliant Pedro Almodóvar. The story concerns an accident on the island of Lanzarote, the filming of a comedy in the vein of Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, and presumably some broken embraces. Any more details would ruin the film's guaranteed pleasures. Rossy de Palma, Blanco Portillo and Chus Lampreave also continue their partnerships in what Almodóvar promises to be his most "novel-like" film to date, and one a bit darker in tone than the previous Volver. Is there any way this one could fail? I'll answer for you. No.

Hugging time is over!

Fruitcake
Release: 2009 (?)
Director: John Waters

Not since Dawn Davenport got cheated of her cha-cha heels has Christmas sounded this deliciously warped. John Waters directs his first "children's film," as if that's not enough to make parents already mortified. It's the tale of Fruitcake, a boy who runs away from home during the holidays when his family is caught shoplifting meat in that true Baltimore style. Divine would be so proud... Fruitcake teams up with another young girl, raised by her two gay fathers, who's gone in search of her birth mother. It sounds subversive, potentially scandalous, and with just a dose of Hairspray-like sweetness. Waters last few films have been arguably mixed efforts, but his pairing with the great comedic talents of Parker Posey should prove, umm... fruitful? Oh how I missed you John Waters. Where else can I expect to see a parent call their child an asshole for my amusement?

"I hate you, I hate this house, and I hate Christmas!"

Giallo
Release: 2009
Director: Dario Argento

So while the slightly camp charm of his seventies classics has morphed into camp excess, a new Dario Argento film's always worth a look. For his follow-up to the divisive The Third Mother, he's going back to the basics and referencing the very genre he helped to define in his debut The Bird with the Crystal Plumage. The film's title Giallo comes from the Italian murder-mystery genre and, well, the Italian word for "yellow." It's also the nickname of a murderer with yellowed skin who's knocking off Milan's most beautiful models. As you can probably guess, the police inspector is missing that one crucial clue that could lead him to the killer. Well that yellow-skinned killer has some unnerving cheese potential (that draws upon my painful memories of the dreadful Black Xmas), but if Argento's screenplay is tight enough for him to focus on the visual magic, this concept is right up his alley. Vincent Gallo sadly dropped out because of past ties to the director's daughter, Asia Argento, who has also since left the project. Still on board are Adrien Brody and Emmanuelle Seigner, which seems promising given the criticism usually directed toward performances in his films. But please, Dario, no more CGI. Jaundice and CGI is just too much for this fan to handle.

"No comment?"

Nailed
Release: 2009
Director: David O. Russell

My Gyllenhaal withdrawal will not be sustained by a video game adaptation, no matter how shirtless he is or how many times I angrily view it. Only the notoriously difficult director of Flirting with Disaster and I Heart Huckabees can give me my fix. Taking time off from being strangled by George Clooney and calling Lily Tomlin a cunt, David O. Russell's been struggling to get this film completed due to a bevy of financing disruptions and yet another actor dispute, this time with James Caan over choking on a cookie. The plot concerns a waitress (Jessica Biel) who gets a nail lodged in her forehead, causing her to become a total nymphomaniac. (Where was 7th Heaven with that plot?) The accident leads her to Washington and into the hands of a willing and clueless senator (Jake Gyllenhaal). To top it all off, it's also time for Jake's reunion with the Lovely & Amazing Catherine Keener! He's legal now, Catherine, but you best stand in line. You too, Dustin Hoffman!

He uses that tired Huckabees line: "It'll all come back to you and interconnection."

Untitled Nicole Holofcener Project
Release: 2009 (?)
Director: Nicole Holofcener

Speaking of Lovely & Amazing, am I the only one who absolutely loves the indie charms of Nicole Holofcener? This will be her fourth directorial outing (including Walking and Talking and Friends with Money) and fourth time wisely casting Catherine Keener, whose sly comic wonder melds so perfectly with Holofcener's sharp dialogue. The plot is summed up as "lives and relationships in a New York apartment building," and odds are that's exactly what we'll get. The pleasures come in the form of perceptively nuanced characters and their witty, uncomfortable exchanges I'm sure. Keener's joined by Amanda Peet, Kevin Corrigan and Rebecca Hall, who's especially enticing after her conflicted performance in this year's Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Viva la female auteurs!

Seriously, Keener...

Part 2 coming soon.

Terms of Endearment: Advice to the Lovelorn and Lovestruck

Rated TV-MA for Strong Language, Sexuality and Adult Content.

So strange... what love does.

Repeat after me:

For the modern lover, a quick serenade:
"I'll poop in your butthole and then you will poop it back into my butt, and we will keep doing it back and forth with the same poop. Forever."

))<>((

-Me and You and Everyone We Know

For the first chance encounter:

Love Interest: "This ain't no welfare line."

You: "Then what are you standing in it for?"

-Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

For the "first time":
"I'm looking at your face and I just want to smash it. I just want to fucking smash it with a sledghammer and squeeze it, you're so pretty..."

or

"I want to chew your face and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them."

-Punch Drunk Love

Just a sweet nothing:
"Every piece of trash I had to pick up reminded me of you. An old candy wrapper made me think of how sweet you are. A snotty Kleenex made me realize how much I'd cry if we ever had to part. An old rubber made think of all the nights of Eros we have before us."

or

"I masturbated fourteen times last night just thinking of you. And when I finally did fall asleep my dreams were not exactly dry. Take me now (insert name here). Take me in front of the whole town!"

-Desperate Living

For happy endings:
"I'll take a bite out of your cheek and I'll shit you out."

-Buffalo '66

There's nothing like a true friend. No one quite like...

Cuddles Kovinsky.

The best maid, friend and socialite you could possibly ask for.

She's classy...

"Well you should get out more! Bachelor cotillions, parties, country clubs... I've been on top of the WORLD lately with my debutante party coming up!"

She's always got your back...

"At first I thought he was walking the dog but then I realized it WAS his date!"

She's there in a crisis...

"What's the matter mon petite? You want a little drinkie poo, Francinie?"

She's modest...

"Damn these designers!"

She stands up for you in public...

"You're really gauche madam! A regular little Cochan. And that means pig! Come on Francine... I see we should have gone straight to Peck & Peck after all!"

She'll never leave you hanging...

"Come on, we're going on a picnic! Come on! Come on, Francine."

She's emotionally supportive...

"God Francine, you're the most drinkenest gal I've ever seen!"

She's thoughtful, positive, and she plans ahead...

"Look Francine, TAB, for our diet! Isn't that great?! Look! Cups! Ooh... sandwiches! Wow! ...Francine, happiness is a picnic in the woods! God, look around you Francine... Look at the nature!"