Desire Antonio Banderas. It's the Law.

"It's not your fault if you don't love me,
and it's not my fault if I love you."

That's sort of the basics of the Law of Desire, and exactly my feelings toward Antonio Banderas in that movie. It's also a very simple law proposed by Pedro Almodóvar in Spain of 1987 that has long since gone ignored in its home country, but I plan to use my full jurisdiction and enforce it here at Club Silencio.


And by the statutes of The Law of Desire for Antonio Banderas, he is required to do for us the following:

• Antonio Banderas must give wake up calls.

• Antonio Banderas must dress exactly like us.

• Antonio Banderas must show us his yo-yo.
  

• Antonio Banderas must surprise us outside of Burger King.

• Antonio Banderas must caulk the tub.

As with any law, there are consequences to those who choose to break it:

Antonio Banderas will not be held responsible if you or a loved one is harmed in said pursuit of lawlessness.


Desiring Antonio Banderas saves lives.

Don't Tempt Me

The 20 Most Tempting Titles of 2009

(#16-20)

(And for others 2009 temptations check out the countdown happening at Film Experience. Not because I'm participating in it, but because it's probably a lot more informative than anything you'll find here.)

(16) Margaret

Director: Kenneth Lonergan

Starring: Matt Damon, Anna Paquin, Matthew Broderick, Mark Ruffalo, Kieran Culkin

You can't really rely on You Can Count On Me director Kenneth Lonergan. That indie masterpiece debut came all the way back in 2000 and the man hasn't given us a film since. Those are some big shoes to fill a big decade later, but thankfully they're his own shoes so the possibilities are endless.

Lonergan's got Broderick and Ruffalo along for the ride once again. They're joined by Anna Paquin for this tale of a girl's unlucky rendezvous with fate after witnessing a car accident brings her life to a screeching halt. I'm hoping Lonergan's script feels as lived in as it should after all those years in preparation, and if that first film's success is any indication, we'll be getting some really resonant and affecting human drama.

Is everyone on set fucking Matt Damon?

(Top: Bourne Ultimatum, Bottom: Margaret)

Fun (related) Fact: Apparently you can hire any Culkin kid for any event. This time Lonergan's hired Kieran Culkin, instead of lil' Rory Culkin. But that does mean Rory's free for your kid's Bris. Macaulay's probably just at home alone.

(17) Drag Me to Hell

Director: Sam Raimi

Starring: Alison Lohman, Justin Long

Sam Raimi may have done fanboys well with his Spiderman films, but what about the horror buffs of his gory glory days? Well...(holding back tears) maybe he hasn't forgotten about us...

His latest sounds like a senseless, slapstick slaughterhouse to bring back all the fondest memories of the Evil Dead series. If this one's a success we'll probably see a lot more progress on Evil Dead 4, but it sounds like a great genre entry even without that humble attachment. For one thing it's not a remake and it's not playing on the level of "torture porn" (that phrase is so gratuitously overexposed it's painful). Besides, horror as a whole really needs to find the fun again. Fun like tree rape and corpses filled with milk and creamed corn.

The story is that Ali Lohman has to break a psychic's evil curse after she gives her a bad deal on a bank loan. People react differently in this economy...

(18) Inglourious Basterds

Director: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Brad Pitt (mmm), Eli Roth (...), Maggie Cheung (!), Mike Myers (?)

Given the recent overflow of war movies, Tarantino's might seem less relevant than some, but it will definitely have more explicit violence, camera tricks and Maggie Cheung! This also cements the fact that Brad Pitt has to be the closest thing to a celebrity Jesus. Everyone loves him, including the continent of Africa. Everyone's attracted to him no matter how much they deny it, and he still backs up that whole delicious package with some well-chosen roles and performances. That and he's all over US Weekly.


The synopsis:

"In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers."

A movie theater in Paris? Naturally Tarantino found some way to make self-aware cinema references throughout his war epic, and that's why we love him. He consistently makes memorable cinema that loves memorable cinema. The long gestation on this project speaks of maybe some more personal Tarantino touches and probably some stunning spectacle. How will he top Kill Bill's House of Blue Leaves or Death Proof's rip-roaring car crash? The man's work is impeccable, and until he casts himself in the lead, we'll be just about square.



(19) Brothers
Director: Jim Sheridan

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Tobey Maguire, Natalie Portman

Brothers feud when one goes missing in Afghanistan and the other takes up with his wife. A purple heart won't heal that wound! Sounds a little Legends of the Fall but with, most importantly, Jake Gyllenhaal having sex with things. That's more than enough to merit a spot on this list, and it's far more enticing than his whole excursion to Persia -- not that I won't be along for that trip and every available photo op.


War movies can be a snore, but with Jake and Tobey, I'll be awake for every open-shirt musket wound. They still use muskets, right?

(20) Lovely, Still

Director: Nik Fackler

Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Martin Landau, Elizabeth Banks, Adam Scott

If I'm just being honest... I was on set for this one during filming, and most importantly had Ellen Burstyn take my hand and acknowledge my actual being! I also got to watch her dazzle and dig into character right before my very eyes, and I can tell you first hand that this nuanced performance should be one to watch for and give a second viewing. And you know me, I'm not one to put actors on a pedestal... other than when I do it daily as a blog.

"I have something I've wanted to ask you since the moment we met... Do you prefer paper or plastic?"

This small scale fable follows an elderly grocery sacker (Landau) and his first brush with romance just in time for the holidays. How about a collective "aww..." On any level it should be nice having any new Christmas film not involve dueling neighbors or Tim Allen. It's guaranteed sweetness with a few surprises along the way -- and has Ellen Burstyn ever shaken your hand and called you "Adam?" Didn't think so.


Fun (bitter) fact: Originally the supporting cast was said to be comprised of Paul Rudd and Winona Ryder! I would have orgasmically imploded on that set and thus they were replaced with Adam Scott and Elizabeth Banks. They're lovely too... but still.

A Politically Incorrect Family Picnic with Kerri Kenney

"This here actually is my plot. Obviously there's nobody in it yet, but God willing there will be. Hi Mom.


My mom started collecting Beanie Babies about four years after she died.

I used to leave 'em out here. In fact I had a whole collection for her... She had a great Princess Diana bear. Those are a fortune. I had a hard time gettin' her that one. She was really excited when I did get it... And I left 'em out here, you know, thinking this is a sacred place, and uh... Some nigger kid took 'em I think.


I have real dark skin. My mom was real light-skinned. She was an Irish... girl. I have real dark skin because I was -- apparently, so they say, I was raped -- My mother was raped -- by an American Indian. She had gone on -- it was some sort of... souvenir hunt in, uh, Minnesota. Wandered onto a reservation and BOOM they raped her.


They're talkin' about letting more, uh... Asian people in here, and uh, I put up a fliar -- of course without my name on it or any information -- saying, you know, "Let's try and keep--" In so many words, "Let's try and keep the Asians out." And I haven't heard anything back, but then again I didn't put my name or any phone number on it so... I don't know how I would hear back."

Art Class with Kate Winslet

Today's Lessons:

Lesson 1: Persuade other artists to show you their techniques

"I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this. Wearing only this."

Lesson 2: Use life models

"Oh, I haven't gotten around to drawing her yet. I was going to pop her on a rock, but I seem to have run out of room. Sorry... I don't know if you noticed, Mrs. Collins, that I've actually drawn St. George in the likeness of the world's greatest tenor, Mario Lanza."

Kate's Favorite Color: Blue

Kate's Favorite Medium: Watercolor

As long as we're all sharing our creative output, I've posted the latest installment of "Signatures" over at Film Experience, dedicated this time to the great artist Kate Winslet. Read it in the tub.

For Your Digital Windshield

Don't do what Donny Don't does.

You've Been Blown Off by Jodie Foster

Hey, Jodie Foster! Hang out with us!
No? Maybe some other time.

We can take a hint. Even Jodie Foster needs some fresh air and some alone time.

It's just that... we grew up together. We first knew Jodie when she was just The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane. But she always did keep to herself.


And even back then Jodie was used to having the house all to herself. If only because her parents were dead, but the girl does love the quiet.

Now it's getting harder and harder to stay in contact with her.

She's always off in her own little world. She'll do just about anything to escape.


She should really get out more. But even when she does Jodie's always drawn to prison cells, basements, airplanes, tunnels, pool halls, and if you're really unlucky, a dark alley. Jodie feels comfortable in the dark. Even though awful things always seem to happen there...

Sorry to sneak up on you like that, but...

We're worried about you, Jodie. We hardly get to see you anymore!

But we trust that she'll still put on a brave face and take to the streets eventually.

So perhaps she just prefers a night in... But if it was up to Jodie she'd never leave the house. And for that matter, even if it wasn't up to her...

Don't panic, Jodie. Just call us when you get back from your "trip." Whenever.

If and when we never see Jodie again, we'll know she has retreated to the woods to live a solitary life. But at least we know she's getting some fresh air.

A Picture is Worth So and So Words...

...But probably enough for two posts.

Here are a few of my favorite film (and one TV) stills from Club Silencio past. They need no real introduction.