Warm Fruitcake

"I always have a place at the Dairy Queen."

The great Parker Posey is set to star in the latest from the great John Waters, Fruitcake. She'll play alongside A Dirty Shame sex prophet Johnny Knoxville.

I'm blissful enough knowing that Waters is still in this world making movies, but the addition of Posey's a very welcome surprise.

"The plot is officially under wraps but is said to center on the title character, a boy named after his favorite dessert. He runs away from home during the holidays after he and his parents are caught shoplifting meat, then meets up with a runaway girl raised by two gay men and searching for her birth mother." Hollywood Reporter

I love the image of a Baltimore Parker Posey stealing groceries, and possibly between her thighs since this is John Waters. Let's all wish him more Serial Mom luck, and less the Cecil B. Demented kind.

I'm wondering what Fruitcake himself will look like? All I can picture is Gummo with Parker Posey and Johnny Knoxville as his parents, but I think he would have turned out better.


Now, especially for theatre majors and struggling actors, a monologue:

"Billy, it's Susan. I was going through our trunk of souvenirs and I found this doll... The doll we used to play with before the war. Before you went insane...

You were sitting on that quilt that had at one time kept us warm -- It was so warm, Billy, and it smelled like moth balls. Which brought back the times that we spent in the attic, LOCKED UP... with Muffin.

(Looks to doll.)

And you told us that Mother was wrong and we were right, didn't you, Muffin? And I took care of you and Billy. But Billy was much more trouble than you, wasn't he, Muffin? Especially when he got to be bigger than Susan and made her do things she did NOT want to do. Things that made her sick. And Mother pretended she didn't know, but she did...

Well who's lying in a bed in an insane asylum, plugged into a life support system, and who's wearing fine jewels and expensive clothes? And whose husband accidentally died and just recently left me all his money?

(Pulls the plug on Billy.)

And who's on top and who's on bottom now, huh?! Who's on top and who's on bottom now! I'll see you in hell, Billy, but at least I'M going to have some more fun before I get there."

-- Parker Posey's deleted audition from Waiting for Guffman.