Saturday, September 10, 2011

Profiles in Greatness: Patrick Bateman


"There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no REAL me, only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hold my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there."

Business: Vice President, Pierce & Pierce
Education: Harvard Business School
Address: American Gardens Building, West 81st Street, New York, NY

Patrick on Health...

"A balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine... In the morning if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now."

"After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for ten minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer. Then an anti-aging eye balm, followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion."

On Food...

"You're going to have the peanut butter soup with smoked duck and mashed squash. New York Matinee called it a "playful but mysterious little dish." You'll love it. And then the red snapper with violets and pine nuts. I think that'll follow nicely."

On Fashion...

"Wear a dress, a skirt or something... Come on, you're prettier than that... And high heels. I like high heels."
"You've got to wear clothes in proportion to your physique. There are definite "do's and don'ts" to wearing a bold-striped shirt. A bold-striped shirt calls for solid colored or discretely patterned suits and ties."

On Politics...

"We have to end apartheid for one. And slow down the nuclear arms race. Stop terrorism. End world hunger. We have to provide food and shelter for the homeless, and oppose racial discrimination. And promote civil rights, while also promoting equal rights for women. We have to encourage a return to traditional moral values. Most importantly, we have to promote general social concern and less materialism in young people."
"Why don't you get a job? If you're so hungry, why don't you get a job?... Is that why you lost it? Insider trading? Just joking... Get a goddamn job, Al! You've got a negative attitude, that's what's stopping you."

On Sex...

"I'd like a girl. Early 20's, blonde, who does couples. Couples. And I really can't stress 'blonde' enough. BLONDE."
"Sabrina, don't just stare at it. Eat it."


  • Crossword Puzzles
  • Fine dining
  • Foreplay ("That's a very fine chardonnay you're drinking. I want you to clean your vagina.")
  • Minimalist design
  • Musical theatre ("We went to a new musical called Oh Africa, Brave Africa. It was a laugh riot.")
  • Coloring

  • Journal writing
  • J&B straight and a Corona
  • Mineral water
  • Business cards ("Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my god... It even has a watermark.")
  • Deadlines ("I've got to return some videotapes.")
  • Cocaine
  • Sorbet
  • Trivia ("Did you know that Ted Bundy's first dog - a collie - was named Lassie? Have you heard this?")


  • Dry cleaners ("It's cranberry juice. Cran-apple.")
  • Dinner reservations ("I'm on the verge of tears by the time we arrive at Espace since I'm positive we won't have a decent table. But we do. And relief washes over me in an awesome wave.")
  • Cash bars ("You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death and then play around with your blood.")
  • "Jew" Jokes ("Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.")
  • "Tumbling, tumbling dickweed" Luis Carruthers
  • Paul Allen ("I'm at a loss. He was part of that whole... Yale thing... Well, I think for one that he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That Yale thing.")
  • Banking


  • The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
  • Jeopardy
  • Inside Lydia's Ass
  • The Cosby Show ("You'll have to excuse me. I have a lunch meeting with Cliff Huxtable down at Four Seasons in twenty minutes.")


, Huey Lewis and the News

"Their early work was a little too... new wave for my taste. But when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own. Commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

In '87 Huey released this: Fore! Their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to Be Square." A song so catchy most people probably don't listen to the lyrics, but they should. Because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself."

Phil Collins
, Phil Collins

"I've been a big Genesis fan ever since their release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that I really didn't understand any of their work. It was too artsy. Too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins presence became more apparent. I think "Invisible Touch" is the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums... Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument.

In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism... Take the lyrics to "Land of Confusion." In this song Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. "In Too Deep" is the most moving pop song of the 1980's, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. The lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock.

Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial, and therefore more satisfying in a narrower way. Especially songs like "In the Air Tonight" and "Against All Odds." But I also think that Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group than as a solo artist. And I stress the word ARTIST. This is "Sussudio." A great, great song. A personal favorite."

Whitney Houston
, Whitney Houston

"Did you know that Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply Whitney Houston, had four number one singles on it? ...It's hard to choose a favorite among so many great tracks. But "The Greatest Love Of All" is one of the best, most powerful songs ever written about self-preservation and dignity. Its universal message crosses all boundaries and instills one with the hope that it's not too late to better ourselves... It's impossible in this world we live in to empathize with others. We can always empathize with ourselves. It's an important message. Crucial really... And it's beautifully stated on the album."

1 comment:

Goatlips said...

Didn't appreciate this film originally. I think it was because the publicity at the time suggested that the film was very serious, so I watched and just thought it was far-fetched and badly directed (acted).
Watching again now it amazes me how dumb those critics from 2000 were. It's subtle, but a very intelligent comedy and the yuppie hedonism portrayed by Bale's caricature is almost viewable as a second hand historical account of the '80s. The film script is a classic and this blog post has served it well.
It's just a shame that the decapitated head held aloft on the end of Bateman's erect penis scene was never filmed and included. Then, I think the penny would've dropped for those dumb reviewers that this film was a great black comedy and homage to the '80s