Terms of Endearment: Advice to the Lovelorn and Lovestruck

Rated TV-MA for Strong Language, Sexuality and Adult Content.

So strange... what love does.

Repeat after me:

For the modern lover, a quick serenade:
"I'll poop in your butthole and then you will poop it back into my butt, and we will keep doing it back and forth with the same poop. Forever."

))<>((

-Me and You and Everyone We Know

For the first chance encounter:

Love Interest: "This ain't no welfare line."

You: "Then what are you standing in it for?"

-Beyond the Valley of the Dolls

For the "first time":
"I'm looking at your face and I just want to smash it. I just want to fucking smash it with a sledghammer and squeeze it, you're so pretty..."

or

"I want to chew your face and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them."

-Punch Drunk Love

Just a sweet nothing:
"Every piece of trash I had to pick up reminded me of you. An old candy wrapper made me think of how sweet you are. A snotty Kleenex made me realize how much I'd cry if we ever had to part. An old rubber made think of all the nights of Eros we have before us."

or

"I masturbated fourteen times last night just thinking of you. And when I finally did fall asleep my dreams were not exactly dry. Take me now (insert name here). Take me in front of the whole town!"

-Desperate Living

For happy endings:
"I'll take a bite out of your cheek and I'll shit you out."

-Buffalo '66